Purely Nominal

by IRENE ELMER

“Lists of English surnames with strange pronunciations often appear in the newspapers, e.g., Chumly for Cholmondelay. . . . Some other curious examples follow: . . . Barson — Barfreeston . . . Lim — Lympne . . . Strawn — Strachan . . . Fooks — Ffoulkes.” H. L. MENCKEN, The American Language, Supplement Two

THE ambition of Theodore Barfreeston
Was to be a brave scout like Kit Carfreeston;
But his campfire one night
Set some buildings alight,
And they had him arrested for arfreeston.
A sheltered young lady named Lympne
Was considered both sober and prympne
Till she bought a pet snake,
Dyed her hair Crimson Lake,
And drank Schnapps, in response to a whympne.
The Lady Evangeline Strachan
Held a charity ball on the lachan.
It was judged a success
By the visiting press,
For none of the guests left till dachan.
A former gang leader named Ffoulkcs
Made a fortune in paper-bound bboulkes
Such as “Murder, Self-Taught”
And “How Not to Get Caught”
Which sold well among young would-be ccroulkes.