Sports Broadcast
ByPAUL PERELLA
IN BRINGING you this on-the-spot broadcast. from the Sportatorium in Slot City, the Pot-o-Luck Company, makers of the best in jackpot machines, hope to bring right into your home the thrill that comes only with hitting a fat jackpot. The nine gleaming machines arranged here in the center of the playing floor represent a cross-section of all types of Pot-o-Luck products, the jackpots with easy-pulling levers.
It is the opinion of Pot-o-Luck’s Committee on Paying Off that the law of averages always works, and if it works tonight, friends, you’ll be right in on the killing! You’ll hear those lucky reels spin, and you’ll hear that tinkling cascade of nickels as the jackpot opens and coin comes —
And here they come, folks, in single file from Entrance 3 across the floor to the left of the announcer’s stand. And a distinguished group they are. They’re approaching the line of machines. . . . I see Number 2 wave at someone in the stands. That’s the kid of the bunch, that Number 2, and he looks eager to go at that jackpot. As you know, ladies and gentlemen, the first contestant to hit the jackpot on his machine — that’s the three bars — will win 5000 certified brass slugs, each of which will fit any slot machine manufactured by the Pot-o-Luck Company, and the way those P.O.L. ackpots pay off, it might mean a fortune for the lucky contestant.
Just a minute, folks. . . . It looks as though Number 9 is missing. . . . Just a minute while we check on this for you. . . . Yes, Number 9 is missing, but it seems the play will begin without him, as nine P.O.L. vice-presidents are coming out onto the floor now with bags of buffalo nickels which will be used in the machines. Number 7 is a double team — the mixed doubles champions; that’s probably why we didn’t notice the absence of Number 9 at first. . . . The vice-presidents have returned to their box now, the players are reaching into those bags, and play is about to begin.
There they go! There go those first nickels into eight machines simultaneously, and from here on it’s may the best contestant win! Number 4 is already getting a big ovation from the crowd. Those yells are for Number 4. . . . We wish we could identify those contestants for you, folks, but they remain anonymous by their own request. . . . According to the program, Number 4’s style is Intuitive — he claims to be able to tell when the machine will pay off, and doesn’t even wait for the reels to stop spinning before putting in another nickel.
But let’s skip back to the left end of the line for a moment and see how Number 1 is doing. Number 1 is the Solid Slander, the burly man with the dogged approach. He uses the firm grasp and pull, never varying, and according to the program notes he once won 30 cents in trade by that method in One-Arm Junction. He’s pulling away, feet apart, calm, unhurried.
When you hear the crowd yelling for “the Kid,” that’s Number 2. He’s only a youngster, and represents the mode of approach used daily all over America by hundreds of enterprising adolescents who want to change their nickels to dollars. It’s called the Cover-up approach, and I wish you could see what a master of the technique Number 2 is! First he covers the reels with his left palm, pulling the lever with his right; then he covers the payoff cup. He alternates these, and every third time covers up both. So far he hasn’t hit, but the scoreboard reveals he had a near miss on the three oranges with this third nickel.
Number 3 hasn’t inserted his second nickel yet. He’s studying the machine. A middle-aged man, balding — he uses the Scientific approach.
Number 4 is still going strong, one nickel after another, seemingly tireless, but it remains to be seen if he can sustain that pace. . . .
And it’s a hit! It’s first blood, folks, drawn by Number 5, who just hit two cherries and a lemon for five nickels and listen to that crowd roar! Number 5, folks, the Form Specialist, who has gotten thumbs down from the critics since he entered the limelight last month by pulling the lever completely off a rugged P.O.L. “Masterpot”! It’s on the scoreboard now, it’s official, and Number 5 wins the First Blood prize of 1000 slugs. He did it with a three-jerk pull plus a light blow to the left of his machine.
Those pounding noises you probably hear as the crowd begins to quiet down again come from Number 6, advocate of the Sound Beating method. He’s wearing brass knucks on his left hand, but so far hasn’t hit a nickel. A referee is standing behind him to see that he doesn’t hit the jackpot glass, as winning the pot that way is frowned on.
Number 9 has not arrived as yet, but he has not officially been scratched.
The doubles team operating Number 7 machine has put in a total of 68 nickels so far and that total is still soaring. The husband half of this team, which comes to Slot City with a colorful record of wins from coast to coast, feeds the coins into the machine while his wife pulls the lever. And folks, you should hear the Talk-to-it expert, Number 8, talking to his machine. I’d like to repeat snatches of the monologue, but we’re on the air, of course. So far he has two near misses —
Ha-ha-ha-ha. That applause . . . that applause . . . folks . . . haha . . . is for Number 9, who has just walked, or staggered, rather, onto the floor. He’s found his position now, and is preparing to put in a nickel if he can find the slot. Ha-ha. He’s found it. The crowd is quieting down.
There it goes, his first nickel! As you may have guessed, Number 9 is that famous jackpot player who has a reputation of always winning when he’s had a few drinks. . . . Just a moment, ladies and gentlemen. Something has happened! The spectators are going wild! I believe . . . I believe . . . no, Number 9 has not hit, it seems, but there is some confusion, and the referees are clustering around Number 9 position. And here’s the official tabulation on that play: Number 9, on his first nickel — on his first nickel, friends — hit two bars and a thumbtack! Yes, sir, that was close!
Number 9 is arguing with the referees. There seems to be some discussion as to how that thumbtack got in there. But here’s Phil Scott now, to analyze for you the play so far. Take it away, Phil!