An Address on Certain Subversive Literature Used in Our Schools

I OFTEN lie awake at night
And ponder the alarming
Tendency of authors to deny Cinderella her inalienable right
To marry Prince Charming.
I begin arbitrarily with that insidious baronet, Sir
Walter Scott.
Did he allow the lovely Rebecca (a commoner) to
marry Sir Cedric Ivanhoe? He did not.
(Rebecca qualifies as an example not through penury— for she was surrounded by financially
solid kith —
But because she was a victim of the twelfth-century
version of the Hitlaryan myth.)
Next on my proscribed list is William Makepeace
Thackeray because in fine
He prevented another Rebecca (insolvent and lovely)
from wedding the distinguished and wealthy
(though possibly elderly) Lord Steyne.
I admonish in passing the authors of Richard Feverel
(Meredith) and Resurrection (Tolstoy) — each
a literary Nero
Who forcibly prevented his poor and/or proletarian
Heroine from marrying his rich and/or aristocratic Hero.
Another book that is tainted by this perfidious nonsense
Is Little Women by Alcott, Louisa M., who was, incidentally, a daughter of Bronson’s.
In this book, as you will remember, when the rich
and socially irreproachable Laurie pops the
question, Jo
Says, “No.”
Simply because Alcott, Louisa M., thought that for
some reason mystic
A marriage between them would be inartistic.
Gentlemen, the flower of our Youth is exposed to
these books, and it makes me scream
To see their faith in Democracy crushed by such
denials of the American Dream.
These books, I maintain, may be Literature, or Art,
or Whatever, but THEY ARE NOT LIFE -
For it is an established fact that every year numberless Polo Players, retired Corporation Executives, Harvard Men, Motion Picture Directors,
Police Inspectors,
Senators, Kentucky Colonels, Brookline Squires,
And Department Store Buyers
Take comely hat-check girls, lady-welders, dictaphone virtuosos, and registered nurses
With empty purses
I submit that the above-mentioned publications are
dangerous to American Youth,
To American Ideals of Marriage and Democratic
And should therefore be expurgated ruthLessly from the List of Required Reading.