Smart Young Men

I’M doubtless a hoary
And bigoted Tory
With views no one needs to regard;
An acrid Old Berry,
A reactionary,
With arteries brittle and hard;
But still, notwithstanding the same,
I palsiedly rise to exclaim: —
I’m tired of smart young men,
Ironic and tart young men,
Of searchingly critical,
Keen, analytical,
Pull-things-apart young men.
I’m weary of bright young men,
Of poised, erudite young men,
Of brilliant and lacquery,
Full-of-wise-crackery,
Wit-with-a-bite young men.
Oh, go get the air, young men,
You Vanity Fair young men,
Cool, egotisticate,
Ultra-sophisticate,
Precious and rare young men.
I’m bored with astute young men,
With highly acute young men,
With New-Yoker-staff-ical,
Trenchant and graphical,
Don’t-give-a-hoot young men.
I’m sick of cocksure young men,
Of far from demure young men,
Of flippant and larky-ish,
Blithe, Morris Markey-ish,
Hard-to-endure young men.
So, go take a trek, young men;
Pipe down on the deck, young men;
Stuff you are springing aNnoys me, it’s bringing a
Pain in the neck, young men!
BERTON BRALEY