The Opening Ceremony in Sochi, Russia had plenty pomp and circumstance, sure, but we know what you really care about: which countries were the best dressed, and which countries should demand a refund from their tailors. Before we get to the good stuff, here are the countries that should have reconsidered their outfits.
The Worst Dressed
There's a little too much going on in these coats Tonga representatives wore into the Sochi arena. Tonga receives points for practicality: they are wearing a winter coat and what look to be snow pants, after all. But the palm tree and beach graphic doesn't work well with the red cross. The red hat with matching palm tree insignia doesn't help matters, either. Plus, Tonga's best-known athlete changed his name to Bruno Banani, identical to that of a German underwear company, as part of a guerrilla marketing and sponsorship deal.
The rotten ketchup/mustard yellow blazers paired with black pants and berets is much more summer prep school than Winter Olympics. They could have at least worn a wool scarf like a true fan of cold weather.
Sorry, Bermuda, but you really should not leave the house in these Olympic outfits. From head to the toe, this is full of mistakes. The blazers are nice as far as blazers go (see above for our thoughts on their appropriateness for the Winter Games). But the bright red shorts paired with pitch black socks hiked up to your knees in dark brown moccasins (?) is where things go horribly, horribly wrong. That's a combination even your mother could not love. Are the socks supposed to keep you warm? Try pants. The Winter Olympics are not your marquee event, we understand, but this is inexcusable.
The Best Dressed
Because they obviously have the most fabulous outfits.
They make it on the list because of those hats, mittens, and scarves alone. That the jackets and pants look fresh too is a bonus.
Honestly, Canada usually find themselves on the "worst dressed" list come Olympic time, but this year is different. These tasteful coats are both practical for the winter and reminiscent of the country's Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Coupled with the hats and mitten that have "CANADA" proudly draped across the front, this year our neighbors to the north brought their A-game.
Too bad it wasn't enough to beat the U.S. Yes, these sweaters look like they were designed by Miss Frizzle for a magic school bus trip to the Winter Games. But they're warm, OK? This is the Winter Olympics, not the Fashion Olympics. In this case, USA is dressed appropriately for the occasion. Deal with it. And even though initial reviews of the Ralph Lauren collection were harsh, when the American athletes emerged together you developed a sense of what he was going for. En masse, they looked amazing.
2. Czech Republic
This is how you do Winter Olympic fashion. You would be envious of someone if they blew past on on the ski hill in these outfits. The white jackets have blue and red accents and piping, keeping with the flag colors, plus some Olympic-appropriate gold accents.
Who else would it be, really? Look at those snowsuits. Somehow through all the weather appropriate padding the Italian athletes still look sexy. Stupid, sexy Italians.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.