Doesn't Hosni Mubarak know that issuing audiotapes from secret bat-caves is so al Qaeda? Doesn't the man have a access to a TV studio, and a make-up artist? Also -- and this is something else he can learn from Osama bin Laden and his fellow countryman Ayman al-Zawahiri, who built his terror networks in Mubarak's jails -- you shouldn't waste space by filling your precious audiotapes with complaints, when you could better spend the time threatening to rain death down on infidels:

"I have been pained and am still in pain because of what I have been subjected to, my family and I, from unjust campaigns and false allegations aimed at hurting my reputation and questioning my integrity, stances, and military and political history, through which I have striven for the sake of Egypt and its sons in war and in peace," he said.

It is true, however, that the tape does contain threats:

"I reserve my full legal rights towards all those who have deliberately tried to get at my reputation and the reputation of my family domestically and abroad," he said.

In other words, Hosni Mubarak is threatening to sue most of the world for libel. And good luck with that.

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