In Which We Solve the Great Middle Eastern Dilemmas of the Day

My apologies for the spotty blogging these past few days. I'm working on a rather involved article, one that requires from me such archaic journalistic practices as interviewing humans and traveling places in order to interview other humans, and the process is eating up my time. Plus, I have to deal with the overflow bag of e-mail to my advice column. Plus we just sold our house and have to move all of our shit to another house. Plus the brakes on the Honda Odyssey went out. Also, General Petraeus has tasked me with salvaging the American war effort in Afghanistan. And I've got to go plug that leak in the Gulf of Mexico before it's too late.
Oh, wait, it's too late.

In the meantime, though, I solved the Middle East crisis, over the objections of Jeremy Ben-Ami, the head of J Street. Here's the video of our encounter last week in New York: