AUTHOR: Sarah Silverman
THESIS: The Pope should end world hunger by "selling the Vatican"
CATALYST: "Grossy sick emaciated people" on her 48-inch plasma-screen
THE POPE: "Is literally a caped crusader"
ESTIMATED WORTH OF THE VATICAN: "Like 500 billion dollars"
SALARY OF AVERAGE ARBY'S EMPLOYEE IN ETHIOPIA: "Nothing an hour"
WHERE VATICAN WOULD MOVE: "A gorgeous condominium" with swimming pool, tennis court, waterslide
UPSIDE: "On an ego level alone, you will be the biggest hero in the history of ever"
NOTE FROM JEWS: "And by the way, any involvement in the holocaust? Bygones."
POPE WOULD ALSO RECEIVE: "All the pussy"
LIKELY PORTION OF ARGUMENT THAT IS IRONIC: 90-95%
You preach to live hungry, and I totally agree, so now maybe it's time for you to move out of your house that is a city.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.