Perhaps He Could Find Another Religion

Like Michael Jackson and Tracy Jordan before him, Jon Gosselin is turning to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, the Baal Shem Tov of self-promotion, for some spiritual guidance. The father of eight-turned-reality star, who has learned when not to order bacon, eggs and cheese in public, told US Weekly (why not The Atlantic?) that he's ready to embrace his "half-Jewish" roots:

I have endeavored of late to reconnect with my deeper, more spiritual, more altruistic self with regular study sessions and counseling with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, whose morality-centered-and-values-based advice, coupled with his profound commitment to fatherhood and family, I deeply respect.

Gosselin will be at New York's West Side Synagogue this Sunday to issue a public apology for his recent behavior and plans to use his "unexpected fame" for good.