Even Colbert Can't Get Me On The No-Fly List

So I was on Colbert last night (I think you can watch it tonight at 8:30 if you're so inclined) talking about the farce of airport security. When I flew up to New York yesterday, I filled my carry-on with various banned items, including and especially a box cutter, which I proceeded to display on national television. Colbert, among others, thought that this would most certainly get me placed on the no-fly-list, or at least earn me a thoroughly invasive pat-down. But this morning, at the security checkpoint at LaGuardia, no one seemed to have been briefed about my nefarious activities. My box cutter, along with my Osama Bin Laden T-shirt and other similar items, went undiscovered. However, an 8-ounce tube of "Bodycology Sweet Petals Body Cream," one of the many gifts that guests of the Colbert Show receive as part of their service, was seized by agents of the federal government. Message to the TSA: I wasn't going to use it anyway.