minuteabsmain.jpg.jpg

You heard of this thing, the Eight-Minute Abs? Yeah, well this is gonna blow that right out of the water. Listen to this: Seven-Minute Abs. Think about it. You walk into a video store, you see Eight-Minute Abs sittin' there, there's Seven-Minute Abs right beside it, which one are you gonna pick, man? Seven-Minute Abs.

Unless somebody comes up with Six-Minute Abs, then you're in trouble, huh?

No. No! Who works out in six minutes? Not even a mouse on a wheel.

...

7. "The Scientific Seven-Minute Workout" -The New York Times, 2013

6. "Six-Minute Abs" -Diet, 2010

5. "Five-Minute Abs (Proven in a Lab!)" -Self, 2013

4. "The Four-Minute Workout" -The New York Times, 2013

3. "Three-Minute Abs" -Shape, 2013

2. "The Two-Minute Workout Works Wonders" -Daily Mail, 2012

1. "The One-Minute Full-Body Workout" -Health, 2013

Someone please get this down to zero. It can't involve amphetamines or self-induced hyperthyroidism. I have some rough sketches, but they all take place in a jet that's approaching the speed of light.

If you do figure it out, and how to monetize it, you'll never have to work again.

We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters@theatlantic.com.