Beck: Are these phrases that you adopt into your vernacular, or is it just, “Oh, we would like to review them and laugh?”
Emily: We review them and laugh.
Beck: One thing that is interesting about our living situations right now is we’re spending more time with the people we live with than ever before. So the inside jokes become very insular. My boyfriend and I are like a closed loop of idiocy.
Alyssa: “Closed loop of idiocy”… you made the list.
Beck: Oh my God. I’m so honored. I’m just wondering, has that insularity changed your friendship in any way?
Alyssa: We’re very close. When we do things with our other friends, it’s another unspoken rule that if you invite me, you must invite her. Or even if you don’t invite her, she’s coming. It’s a little ridiculous how in sync we are.
Emily: I’m just like, “I’m so sorry that we have to bring this to the table.” We’re like the Dumb and Dumber of the friend group. But we’re so much fun.
Beck: Are you guys dating during the pandemic? Have you had any weird Zoom dates?
Emily: We’re both vaccinated at this point. I went on two Hinge dates; nothing came of either of them. At the very beginning of the pandemic, I had what I like to call a quarantine texting boyfriend, and that lasted two months.
Alyssa: I did have that Tinder guy I played Battleship with, for, like, six months. Never flirted with him once. I was just like, “Hey, man, you haven’t played Battleship yet today. I’d really like to continue the game. Hope you’re doing well.”
Emily: I think we’re both on a downturn with dating, which is fine.
If Alyssa does have dates, she doesn’t tell anyone until, like, three days after. She really bamboozled me a couple of weeks ago. She was like, “I’m going to take a walk.” And then she’s not back for five hours. And I was like, Where has she gone? She does take long walks sometimes.
Then I found out three days later that she had had a date. That is one thing that she hides. It’s a bad habit, but I think it’s so funny.
Beck: What are the reasons you want to keep it to yourself for a while?
Alyssa: They’re random Hinge boys that I have no personal stake in. You don’t need to get invested in the character development of Marcus from Fishtown. I’m not invested in his character development.
Emily: Most of our boy developments have been letdowns. But I’m relieved that neither of us have had boyfriends through this pandemic, especially living in this apartment. It just wouldn’t work.
Beck: Have you learned anything new about each other since you’ve been living together?
Alyssa: We’ve learned everything.
We’ve exhausted each other’s stories to the point of no return. I know what your mom was wearing during your 7th birthday party. I think we’ll be happy to have a new experience to share with each other.
Emily: The frequency of our heart-to-hearts has exponentially increased. I’m glad that we’re friends.
Alyssa: I’m also glad that we’re friends. In our most recent heart-to-heart with another friend, the other night, we spewed our feelings for each other. It was like, “I hope you know how much I truly love you.” Just one of those aggressively mushy situations.
If you or someone you know should be featured in “The Friendship Files,” get in touch at email@example.com, and tell us a bit about what makes the friendship unique.