Dear Therapist,
This is the age-old story of a younger woman meeting an older, married man at work.
I was aware that he was married with kids. He was always very active on social media, and often I thought, What a cute family! I never had any intention of getting involved with him, especially because I had been cheated on before. At the same time, I can remember the exact moment I met him, before anything had happened. It was like I had met him before, but I knew I hadn’t.
One night, at a work event, he and I really connected. A few days and a few hundred text messages later, I was hooked. He expressed to me his grievances about his wife. He praised her for being a good person and mother, but not a good partner. He was unhappy, but he couldn’t stand the thought of leaving his children and not tucking them into bed every night. He claimed to have never been fully happy in his marriage, saying that on his wedding day, he almost didn’t follow through.
Read: Dear Therapist: I’m having an affair and I’ve never been happier. Should I confess?
I know I sound naive, but this wasn’t like a “normal” affair. It wasn’t secret text messages once in a while, or only seeing him once a week. This was texting all day and night. Phone calls on the way to and from work. Seeing each other four or more times a week. Endless Snapchats, private messages, inside jokes, and so on. He told me he loved me, and I loved him back. He looked at me in a way no one else ever had before. There were serious talks of him wanting to leave but not being able to because of issues with his kids. The guilt consumed me—I felt anxious, lost weight, couldn’t look in the mirror some days—but still, this continued for almost a year. Then his wife found out.