My younger sister and I have always had a volatile relationship. We didn’t get along at all in junior high and high school, but after I went away to college and subsequently moved out of state, our relationship improved and we grew closer. A lot of her animosity towards me (I think) stems from my success in academics and athletics—I was outstanding in both, and while she was very good, I cast a very long shadow.
A few years ago, my husband and I moved back to the city I grew up in, while she and her husband live in a suburb about 45 minutes away. Due to convenience, we would see family that live nearby more than we would see her. We also didn’t get any invitations from her to go out to dinner with them or come to their house, while other family would call and invite us often, so we got into the habit of socializing with the people who reached out. However, she will typically text me on Friday to ask what we’re doing over the weekend, and if we are seeing anyone, particularly family, she’ll write a nasty response indicating that she feels left out without saying so directly.
She also constantly throws little jabs at me. I had a baby a year ago (she has kids, too), and she was extremely condescending about the fact that we had so much secondhand stuff, saying, “You’re going to have the cheapest baby ever.” I deal with these little jabs by not engaging—I’ve learned that if I try to defend myself or talk to her about it, she unleashes all of her wrath on me. The more she communicates in a mean, vicious manner, the less I want to talk to her or involve her in my life. I don’t like how she talks to me and treats me, and after a few years of dealing with this, I’m done. But my extended family is close, so cutting her out of my life isn’t possible, and I really don’t want to do that either.