Naughtiest Mode of Personal Surveillance: Kingsman: The Golden Circle
Best Rowdy, Anti-Catholic Glaswegians: T2 Trainspotting
Most Forgettable Movie: Unforgettable
Best Backward-Looking Postscript: “Mr. Glass,” Split
Worst Forward-Looking Postscript: Watergate, The Post
The Modesty Blaise Award for Kicking Serious Ass: Charlize Theron, Atomic Blonde
Best Joke About the Word Begets: Peter Dinklage, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Best Joke About the Eight Kinds of American F**k: Hong Chau, Downsizing
Most Valiant Chimp: Caesar (Andy Serkis), War for the Planet of the Apes
Most Heartbreaking Chimp: Flint, Jane
Best Wheel Man: Baby (Ansel Elgort), Baby Driver
Best “Guy in the Chair”: Ned (Jacob Batalon), Spider-Man: Homecoming
Biggest Prehistoric Water Buffalo: Kong: Skull Island
Cutest Extraterrestrial Puffin: Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Movie Dialogue I Most Want to Be True in the Real World: “This is where the tale ends!” Javier Bardem, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Movie Dialogue I Least Want to Be True in the Real World: “I decide when I’m done!” Lightning McQueen, Cars 3
Best Historical Reference to Jell-O: Victoria & Abdul
Runner-Up: The Shape of Water
The Badmouthing London Award: Wonder Woman
The Badmouthing Baltimore Award: The Shape of Water
The Badmouthing Sacramento Award: Lady Bird
The Magnolia Award for Best Use of Three Dog Night’s “One”: The Lego Batman Movie
The Nine Award for Finest Cast Put to Least Productive Use: Murder on the Orient Express
The “I Might Not Have Taken the Role If I’d Known How the Story Ended” Award: Laz Alonso as a young John Conyers, Detroit
Most Idiotic Retelling of Arthurian Legend (Tie): King Arthur: Legend of the Sword; Transformers: The Last Knight
Best Helicopter Dogfight: Kong: Skull Island
Most Disappointingly Non-Fatal Helicopter Crash: Fifty Shades Darker
The Her Award for Virtual Girlfriend: Ana de Armas, Blade Runner 2049
The Her Award for High-Waisted Pants: Marisa Tomei, Spider-Man: Homecoming
Best “Logan” Movie: Logan
Runner-Up: Logan Lucky
Best Outburst in a Comedy Club: Holly Hunter, The Big Sick
Best Audition for A Streetcar Named Desire: James Franco, The Disaster Artist
Least Surprising Resurrection: Superman, Justice League
Nastiest Clown: Pennywise, It
Meanest Publicist: Kristen Wiig, mother!
Most Evil Climate: Wyoming, Wind River
Runner-Up: Norway, The Snowman
Worst Overuse of Colons in Movie Titles (30-Way Tie): Every single extant cinematic franchise
Best Use of Christian Bale: Hostiles
Worst Use of Matt Damon: Downsizing
Movie That Should Have Had an Invisible Jet but Didn’t: Wonder Woman
Movie That Didn’t Need One but Had It Anyway: Spider-Man: Homecoming
Best Movie Featuring a C-123 Cargo Plane That Was Shot Down Over Nicaragua During Iran-Contra, Then Transported to Costa Rica and Converted Into a Restaurant Where My Family Ate Dinner Last Spring: American Made
Best Performance by Someone Under 10: Brooklynn Prince, The Florida Project
Runner-up: Baby Groot, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
The Mr. Show Award for People Who Shouldn’t Ever Be Trusted in a Newsroom (Tie): Bob Odenkirk, The Post; David Cross, The Post