“You say that people who gave money to politicians owned them. What politicians did you own when you were giving money?”
[Invoking Ted Cruz’s appearance on The Late Show the night before] “He asked me to ask you if you would give him a billion dollars.”
“You seriously want the job?”
And then there was this.
Colbert: You’ve got the hat. Let’s talk about the hat. It’s a great hat. It’s called “Make America Great Again.”
Trump: It’s a hot hat. The New York Times did a big story on it.
Colbert: Oh, the hat! The hat should be your running mate.
Trump: I would like it.
Colbert: Trump/Trump Hat 2016. But that implies that America is not great now. You’re not saying America is not a great country or it’s not full of great people. You’re not blaming America, are you, sir?
“No, I’m not blaming America,” Trump replied, predictably. He was blaming, he continued, “people that have run the country—for many years, in all fairness.” He proceeded to go on a long lark about the Iraq war and wounded veterans and the destabilized Middle East and ISIS and his belief that “Iran is going to take over Iraq” and that “we’ve handed everything to everybody on a silver platter, and it shouldn’t have happened.”
This was a good segue into a discussion of the Iran nuclear deal. Colbert’s question: Would Trump sign a copy of his book The Art of the Deal for his next guest, Energy Secretary Ernie Moniz?
Trump acquiesced, gamely. They cut to a commercial break.
Then came round two.
Colbert, apologizing for his treatment of Trump over the years, asked him, “Is there anybody you’d like to apologize to, yourself?” (Trump’s reply was basically a physical ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, which in words manifested as “uhhh … no.”)
He followed up with, “I know you believe that illegal immigrants should all be deported. True?”
“That’s true,” Trump replied.
Then, Colbert tried role-playing. He asked Trump to imagine himself, as president, informing the Mexican president of his plan to make Mexico pay for the wall he has said he wants to build between the U.S. and its southern neighbor. It was a cheeky approach, but it backfired. Trump played along. Worse, Colbert’s rendition of the Mexican president involved him adopting a Speedy Gonzalez-esque voice and uttering responses to Trump that included the line, “Oh! Oh! My corazón! No, no, no!”
Trump managed to turn the game into a discussion of the “big, beautiful wall” he wants to erect on the Mexican border, China-in-220 B.C.-style, which, he claimed, will stop illegal immigration, curb crime, “stop problems,” and generally Make America Great Again. “The money comes out, the drugs come in,” he declared. “We’re gonna stop it.”
To which Colbert replied: “Okay, well, that’d be good. That would be good. That’d be good.”
Then he gave Trump a chance to acknowledge, once and for all, that Barack Obama was born in the United States.