Is that really you, Renée?
Can I call you Renée?
I know it's really none of my business, and everything, but: What's different about you?
Was it Botox?
Or an eye lift?
Or a cheek lift?
Is it unfair of me to assume it was cosmetic surgery?
Is it unfair of me to assume that assuming it was cosmetic surgery is unfair?
Was it something besides cosmetic surgery?
Is everything okay?
Also, is it totally inappropriate for me to ask you questions like that? Since I don't know you, and we're not friends, and also your body is your body, and your face is your face, and you should obviously be allowed to do with them whatever you please?
Or, actually, is it totally appropriate for me to ask questions like that, since you are a celebrity and it is my caring about you that helps you stay a celebrity?
What does Gloria Steinem feel about our new look, do you think?
Is that question also totally inappropriate?
Do you find the Jennifer Grey comparisons—there will be Jennifer Grey comparisons—totally inappropriate?
Is that question totally inappropriate, too?
Is there any way to think about your appearance that is not, on some level, totally inappropriate?
Is it that you were anxious about getting older? Were you worried that you'd stop getting roles? Or—maybe worse—were you worried that you'd start getting even more roles, but cast as sassy moms and/or matronly aunts?
Are you telling us that there's something wrong with being a sassy mom and/or a matronly aunt?
Could you answer in a Bridget Jones voice?
Do you get that a lot?
Do you think that maybe I'm conflating you, the actress I have never met, with Bridget Jones, the fictional character I feel like I know?
Could that help explain why your new look makes me feel sort of sad?
Am I feeling sad for myself, or sad for you, or sad for us all?
Do you see in the mirror what we see on our screens?
Does it matter?
Are you familiar with the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle?
Not the Breaking Bad thing, the other thing?
Did you ever exist?
What does it mean to be a person?
Can I still call you Renée Zellweger?
Are you still Renée Zellweger?
Would it have made a difference if any of us had told you that we liked you just as you were?
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