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There's a new Harry Potter short story. Yes J.K. Rowling, the woman who gave us The Boy Who Lived (and some things we didn't want, like a West End prequel, and an upcoming spin off of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and some adult books) wrote some Harry Potter fan fiction. The story, written as a Daily Prophet article by Rita Skeeter, takes place when Harry is in his 30s and greying, watching the Quidditch World Cup in Argentina's Patagonia Desert. 

You can read the story here after registering for Pottermore, but if you think that it's time for young wizards to put away childish things, here's what happened to the characters people care about (fan fiction-altering spoilers ahead). Note, Rita Skeeter editorializes: 

  • Harry's style is still lacking. Skeeter writes that he still wears his round glasses, which "some might say are better suited to a style deficient twelve-year-old." 
  • He's an auror and Ginny is a sports reporter for the Daily Prophet
  • Ron and Hermione haven't divorced, though Ron's hair is "thinning slightly." Ron left the Ministry to work at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes 
  • "Hermione Granger has always been the femme fatale of the groups." What?
  • She's Deputy Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, but her hair is still frizzy." Does Hermione Granger prove a witch can really have it all? (No — look at her hair.)"
  • Neville is a Herbology professor at Hogwarts and maybe has a drinking problem. 
  • Luna is still weird.
  • Charlie Weasley is "still unmarried — why?" 

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