Are you getting amped up for the 2014 midterm elections? Well then, last night's episode of The Daily Show had just the thing for you: baseless speculation about the 2016 presidential election.
"Why speculate about the near future, when you can speculate about the far future?" Stewart asked. It's like the Weather Channel saying, "Coming up, your 10 day forecast for next February."
Of course, guessing about the 2016 election is only good for one thing, and that's proving no one knows anything for sure. "For all we know now the 2016 election could come down to antibiotic-resistant Strep versus the petrified exoskeleton of Donald Trump's hair helmet," Stewart quipped.
But that doesn't mean the media hasn't already chosen its front runners: Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton. "Clinton v. Bush. Thank god we fought a bloody war against England so that political power would no longer be consolidated in but one family," Stewart said. "In my mind, two just makes sense."
And though Jeb's route to the presidency isn't quite clear (brother George isn't exactly enlightening on the subject), Hillary's is much more obvious. When it comes to Clinton running in 2016, everything (Ukraine, Benghazi, Monica Lewinsky) means everything. "Not only does every event in the universe exert possible influence on a Hillary run, but a possible Hillary run exerts influence on every event in the universe," Stewart explained.
Stewart: "Hillary Clinton moving food through her esophagus using the process of peristalsis. Does this mean she's hungry for 2016? ... We don't know, because we can't know, but still, what?"
All this, and we still have two and a half years until November 2016.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.