Do you have an ironic mustache? Do you prefer to consume beverages out of mason jars? If so, my condolences: you're officially part of the mainstream you thought you were so much cooler than.
This summer, 7-Eleven is rolling out special Slurpee cups and straws that will put an end to hipsterism forever.
"It was only a matter of time," said the press release, adding that these cups are "on-trend," which is how you know that they are not.
According to The Dallas Morning News, these are already on sale in the Dallas area. News blogger Sarah Blaskovich called them "awesome" and thought "these could help your street cred," which is incorrect.
Laura Gordon, 7-Eleven's vice president of brand innovation and marketing, said: "People in our office have unofficially named the four mustache styles. The British, the handlebar, the Hogan after wrestler Hulk Hogan, and the Swanson, as in Ron Swanson, a character on NBC's Parks and Recreation sit-com series played by Nick Offerman."
And yes, she said "sit-com."
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.