As every avid Scandal watcher knows, our beloved show is melodramatic, predictable and kind of not that good. But still, we watch, and each increasingly over-the-top episode tends to hit the same marks. The "OMG" moment, the monologue to end all monologues and the super risky moment when Olivia Pope drinks a glass of wine in white silk pajamas — these are the things we've come to love about the show. Each Friday, we'll update our Scandal checklist and assess how ridiculous our Thursday night was. Spoilers ahead!
"Mama Said Knock You Out"
OMG Moment: Fitz has solidified his standing as the most garbage human being on this awful show. Fitz found out that Mellie and Andrew were sleeping together, and in typical Fitz fashion he was awful about it. It's been bad enough watching Olivia trying to split the burgeoning Veep/FLOTUS pair apart ("Glass houses, Olivia," as Andrew put it), but then Fitz got into the mix and told Mellie she killed them and deprived him of love. He asked her what she'd ever sacrificed or given up on his behalf. Which is a fine question, except of yeah, Why hasn't Mellie told Fitz his father is her rapist??
Fitz also managed to make it seem like he's only with Olivia for the sex ("I never would have cheated," he said, but for that ten years when they didn't have sex).
Red wine in white clothes: Again, Olivia was too busy so Mellie had to take over. She tried to get drunk before the dumb family interview. Don't blame her.
Mellie being better than everyone else: Scandal tries to convince us that Fitz and Olivia have this epic, cosmic love, but Mellie's love for her kids is amazing. She knows when Jerry scores goals and what play Karen's in. You can tell Fitz has alway been a pretty substandard father. Jerry probably didn't start tweeting mean things about her.
Over-the-top monologue: Poor Jake tried his hand when he told the president he wouldn't return the terrorist or whoever Quinn and Charlie were drilling up in some basement. And Papa Pope's speech of the week was solid. But in less than 30 seconds, Mama Pope made up for years of passive aggressive mom put-downs she wasn't around to give Olivia :
Maybe, but I'd rather be a traitor than what you are Livvie. Cleaning up those people's messes, fixing up their lives. You think you're family, but you're nothing but the help. And you don't even know it ... and if that's all you want out of your life, baby, then I guess it's none of my business.
Dumb plot line that won't go away: At one point, as Huck tries to convince Olivia not to go after B-613, he says "What about Quinn?" To which Olivia replies, "What about her?" Solid point.
Good couple moment: Speaking of Quinn, Charlie says he'll kill Huck for her if he breaks in to her apartment again. She declines, but says "that's sweet of you." Okay, sure.
Bad couple moment: Every other Charlie moment. The worst couple moment always involves Fitz, so everyone else is competing for second place. Adnan almost killing Harrison post coitus counts, but they seem like friends with benefits more than a couple. That leaves Charlie, interrogating Quinn like a creepy stalker boyfriend before moving into her apartment without asking her. Even Abby would call for help if David did that. Even Olivia would call for help if Jake did that. And then it would be over and we could move on to a new plot.
Tweet that sums up the episode:
*patiently waits for one of these casual murderers to casually murder fitz*— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) March 28, 2014
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.