Today on celebrity gossip: Louis C.K. has no respect for Inside the Actor's Studio audience members, a homeless woman sues Halle Berry, and Lauryn Hill may be going back to jail.
When comedy and bone-chilling irony collide you get a YouTube video combining a 2009 Louis C.K. riff about the losers who ask questions on Inside the Actor's Studio and then actual footage from Inside the Actor's Studio featuring a future A-list co-star:
Yes, that beautifully coiffed blond creature asking Sean Penn about Hurlyburly is indeed Bradley Cooper, future star of American Hustle, a movie in which Louis C.K. co-stars. As if Louis C.K.'s original riff wasn't ironic enough, he actually used Sean Penn as the hypothetical? This would be unsettlingly eerie if it wasn't so hilarious. Anyway, yeah: The universe is an vast and storied mystery. We should probably expect an entire episode of Cosmos devoted to this one YouTube video. [Us Weekly]
This week Twitter (which is a website that is a nonstop cascade of everybody's boring opinions mixed in with occasionally funny one-liners) turned eight years old! To commemorate this occasion the evil (?) wizards behind the scenes created a special site where you can find out what somebody's first-ever tweet was! Obviously the best and only use for such a thing would be to look up what celebrities first typed during those fateful first moments when their assistants handed them BlackBerries to say something, anything, to their fans. So get ready to be unpleasantly whiplashed back in time! Let's see what's changed and what hasn't changed at all about our favorite celebs!
HI TWITTERS . THANK YOU FOR A WARM WELCOME. FEELING REALLY 21st CENTURY .— Oprah Winfrey (@Oprah) April 17, 2009
Oprah seemed very chill.
@samantharonson FLY SAFE... love you— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) September 28, 2009
Remember when Lindsay Lohan had a girlfriend?
Check out my single "ONE TIME" on my myspace and spread the word for me. Thanks www.myspace.com/justinbieber— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) May 12, 2009
Haha what is "MySpace"? No idea.
Still enjoying my garden party. I am so thankful. I am a child of God and so are all of you.— Maya Angelou (@DrMayaAngelou) May 20, 2010
Maya Angelou tweeted from a garden party obviously. Classic Maya.
But as much as many things have changed over the years, it should bring you some measure of comfort to know that plenty of things HAVEN'T changed.
"EVIL queen" ( and man i attract alot) as much as many "mature" people here think Perez plays "Evil Queen" he doesnt any more he may have— Courtney Love Cobain (@Courtney) May 30, 2009
For example, what on earth was Courtney Love talking about?
Hey World, It's B! I'm so excited to invite you to my new http://t.co/fZxlrtAh - we've been working hard, and it's finally ready for you XO— Beyoncé Knowles (@Beyonce) April 5, 2012
And in an eerie foreshadowing of last December's secret album-drop, Beyoncé seemingly joined Twitter just to announce another secret unveiling. She even signed off with "XO"! Meanwhile, what was Kelly Rowland up to during her first Tweet, you ask?
I AM SICK AS A DOG WATCHING CSI:MIAMI— KELENDRIA ROWLAND (@KELLYROWLAND) April 13, 2009
Yep, seems about right. [Us Weekly]
Those who live outside of Los Angeles may not know how exactly a pitch becomes a TV show, so here is as good an example as any: Jo Anne Vandegriff, a self-described homeless woman, has filed a lawsuit against actors Halle Berry, Amanda Bynes, Armie Hammer, and the entire Disney Corporation "for the express purpose of pitching them a TV show." Yep, Vandegriff merely wants them to all show up in the same courtroom so that she may pitch them a TV adaptation of Heaven's Angels, her "2,000-page original Civil War romance mini-series." Aside from thinking "yes, I'm sold, please let Hollywood make this intriguing-sounding project," you're probably have one question: "Is it a masterpiece work?" According to Vandegriff, Heaven's Angels is "an extraordinary work in its length, complexity, and scope, though not yet a masterpiece work." Still though, she has enough faith in her writing that suing Bynes, Berry, and Hammer is clearly justified since "a mini-series of this nature only comes along once every twenty to thirty years." Quite frankly, we here at The Wire agree with Vandegriff and wish her our most sincere blessing. And if the lawsuit doesn't work, let's Kickstarter it up! Personally I would donate my life savings to this project, how about you? [TMZ]
Enlisted is a surprisingly good Fox sitcom that airs on Friday nights and will probably be canceled because it is a Fox sitcom that airs on Friday nights. If you haven't heard of it, it's about three soldier brothers who get up to all kinds of hijinks on an Army base and even though the show is very funny, it's nearly unwatchable due to how attractive the leads are. What I am saying is they are so attractive that the show is impossible to watch, if that makes any sense. Anyway, recently lead guy Geoff Stults went on Chelsea Lately and discussed the circumstances by which he occasionally hangs out fully naked with his very hilarious co-star Parker Young (who is perfect, but only in the literal sense). You should probably click through and watch the video itself, but here is what Stults says, edited choppily for maximum out-of-context homoeroticism:
There's been a couple different times in the middle of the night... I'm naked, and [Parker] happens to be [naked] at my house. He's like, well, I might have met this girl at the bar. 'What? [You're hooking up] in my house?'... And then I'll just sit down and we'll have a chat for a while... It's just the two dudes. It's totally normal. You just don't look [at each others' penises].
There you have it, just a very good talk show anecdote. Now just TRY and watch Enlisted, I straight-up dare you. [E! Online]
"Lauryn, baby, use your head." - Lauryn Hill, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. That lyric from Lauryn Hill's perfect album is especially pertinent this day, for it appears that the recently released-from-jail rapper and singer might STILL be in trouble for unpaid taxes! After only six months of freedom following a conviction for failing to pay over $1.1 million in back taxes, the "IRS has served Hill with seven separate liens for a grand total of $866,868.05." Whoops! That's-a lotta moolah. (Also known as money.) Hill is currently in the middle of a tour, so she's perhaps too busy to post an angry, third-person rant to her Tumblr about these new charges, but hopefully her fans will pony up for some extra t-shirts or something? She needs our money now more than ever! (Just remember to pay the taxes this time, L.) [Radar]
Oh, just a casual photo of Beyoncé hanging out at the Anne Frank House:
Speaking of Anne Frank, Justin Bieber once declared that if she were alive today she'd be a Belieber, so chances are pretty great that Anne Frank would have really enjoyed this Instagram selfie of Justin Bieber and his nipple:
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.
We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to firstname.lastname@example.org.