It's election day, but the only races the Daily Show cares about are New York's and Virginia's gubernatorial elections. "As you know, for the past dozen years we here in New York have been under the control of a soda-hating leprechaun who purchased the city with his pot of gold," Jon Stewart said. "But tomorrow New Yorkers will go to the polls to decide who will fill his shoes, his tiny, tiny shoes."
Of course it's not much of a race, with Democrat Bill de Blasio set to beat Republican Joe Lhota by as much as 45 points in some polls. "A 45 point — that's the same amount by which hot dog is leading rat on a stick as New Yorker's favorite street food," Stewart said. "Joe Lhota is doing so badly, he actually may come in third behind drunk, anti-Semitic Time Square Elmo." For his part, Joe Lhota thinks he's an underdog, and there's nothing New Yorkers like more than an underdog. "If you were 10 points down you'd be an underdog. But at 50 points down you're not an underdog," Stewart said. "You're just a sad dog. You're like the kind of dog that Sarah McLachlan sings songs over the top of."
Meanwhile, in Virginia, it's a choice between a heart attack and cancer. Al Madrigal found that there wasn't much to like about either Ken "racist and homophobic far right tea party candidate" Cuccinelli and Terry "made his wife and newborn son sit in the car for an hour after picking them up from the hospital while he went to a fundraiser" McAuliffe. To get a sense how voters would react to voting for these unpalatable candidates, Madrigal made drinks in their honor. The McAuliffe is beet juice, vinegar, anchovies and "commercial waste." The Cuccinelli is Irish cream, lime juice, vinegar and a bottle of "Windex." Not surprisingly, no one wanted to drink either for the next four years.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.