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Halloween night in America is the one night in the country where you can't stop Americans from being what they want to be. In this, the year 2013, Americans have made their desire known to a company named Google that the people they most want to be are meth dealers, minions, and a former teenage star who possesses pop culture's most recognized tongue.

Here are the top five most-searched costumes on Google Shopping with brief explainers on who these people/things are from Marketwatch:

  1. Minion (a character in the Despicable Me animated comedy series)

  2. Breaking Bad (one of AMC’s hit shows about a meth dealer that ended this year)

  3. Fox (likely spurred by Ylvis’s “What Does the Fox Say” YouTube video)

  4. Duck Dynasty (an A&E reality TV show about a family that makes products for duck hunters)

  5. Miley Cyrus (a good-girl-turned-bad pop star noted for “twerking” at the Grammys)

For one reason or another, Manti Te'o is not on this list — and that is a travesty. Though I, for one, am looking forward to the many possible "Minions" we might be seeing in three weeks. I say possible because that's all this list is — they are just searches, and not really confirmations of people actually purchasing these costumes.

What isn't going to make people happy is that Miley is on the list, meaning that we just can't get over her VMA performance. New York's Amanda Dobbins even penned a plea for people to stop being Miley, and we fear for her in light of Google's findings. Dobbins wrote: 

At this point in the media cycle, there will probably be four or five Mileys at any given parade. Overexposure is a real concern. And then there's the sexy costume issue, which is depressing — not because of self-expression (that's great), but because the sexy Halloween costume has come to represent our discomfort with female sexuality on the 364 other days of the year ... To a majority of the drunk people in the room, a self-aware Miley Cyrus costume will still scan as "that girl who humped a foam finger."

So, people, do the right thing. Don't be Miley; be the murdering meth dealers instead. 

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.