Yikes. It seems that Simon Cowell is expecting a baby with his good friend's wife. Oooops! Well, OK, the mother-to-be, "New York socialite" Lauren Silverman, is separated from her husband, real estate tycoon Andrew Silverman, but they are still legally married. And Cowell and Andrew are friends. And yet, here's the baby, ten weeks along, and Simon Cowell is going to be a father. So, up one baby and probably down one friend? I mean, wouldn't you think? I'd have to assume that you don't stay friends with the guy whose not-yet-ex-wife you're having a baby with. Probably? Though, who knows with these mega-millionaires. Maybe it's all water under the bridge, or was never water to begin with, there is no bridge, everyone is just standing on the high dry plains of wealthy friendship while somewhere in a New York apartment someone strangles a metaphor to death. Who knows! The point is, and I think we can all agree that this is the real point: Someone had sex with Simon Cowell. In 2013. Doesn't that slightly boggle the mind? Baffle the brain-bone? It's just a little confusing. To me, anyway. It's Simon Cowell. And not 2004, wedge-haired, fancy car driving, rococo Simon Cowell even. Now Simon Cowell. American X Factor-weary, strangely surgeried, T-shirt protrusions Simon Cowell. And yet, he was lain with, and now a childling is to be born. What a strange world we live in, don't you think? [Us Weekly]
Lindsay Lohan, troubled actress and unfortunately probably the voice of her generation, has finished her latest stint in a rehabilitation facility. Court-ordered to do 90 days, Lohan didn't go quietly back in May, but after the initial check-in dramatics died down, things went pretty quiet. Well, there was the transfer out of Betty Ford to a place called Cliffside in mid-June, but other than that, totally quiet. Like rehab is supposed to be. And now she's out! Well, almost out. She, very responsibly, has decided to do a few more days in Los Angeles with a "sober coach," before entering the regular world on her own. Then, if reports ("reports," as if we're talking about news from a faraway land coming over a fuzzy wire) are accurate, she will be moving back to New York. To the city? To Long Island to be with her family? It's unclear. But I'm hoping she'll move to a little house on Shelter Island, place of peace and protection, and she'll look out over the bay and read books and do some light crafting and study her lines for a production of The Shadowbox that she's doing at North Fork Community Theater and she'll drink her tea and that will be that. A good new life. Doesn't that sound nice? I mean, I think the odds are next to nil that anything remotely close to that will happen — not to say she'll relapse, only that some Hollywood attack plan is probably in place — but it's nice to think about it anyway. After rehearsal she goes and gets coffee with some of the cast and crew and one woman, 30s and shy but not tonight for some reason, will suddenly ask, "Do you miss it? All of that?" And Lindsay will think for a second, take a sip of coffee, and say, "I guess it's not really something you miss." And then everyone will go home. [TMZ]
This week People magazine, which is about people, will tell us all about the new life of Prince George, the little squirming heir recently born to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, William and Catherine. Thus far, little Georgie is being raised unconventionally, not kept spirited away in a dark, candle-lit Kensington Palace chamber, attended to by wet nurses and lady maids, as all heirs have spent their formative years for a thousand years. Instead, Wills and Kate have taken the child to Bucklebury, where Kate's parents, a pipe-smoking badger and a hedgehog wearing an apron, have a home and where little Georgie will be cared for by his parents, by his grandparents, and by one solitary housemaid. No army of nannies just yet, no attendants or onion-smelling tutors. It's only family for now, plus one housekeeper, giving the little prince the most normal early life a royal can have, perhaps. Everything will be charming and pleasant there in Bucklebury, which is near Biggleby and one town over from Crumbly Crossing. A little wisp of smoke floating up from the thatched-roof cottage's chimney, the smells of warm baking things, the countryside rolling and green. All will be so nice, in little Bucklebury, until a chill falls upon the little glen, and a dark steed approaches the house, whinnying and snorting. The door opens and a man strides through. "Harry!" Kate calls. "What a pleasant surprise." "I want to see the child," he says gruffly. "This... heir." Kate smiles, suddenly a little unsure of the mood, and says "Of course. He's your nephew. I'm sure he'd love to see his dashing Uncle Harry." And so she takes him, warily all of a sudden, to the baby's room, and Harry stands over the crib, glaring down at it. This thing, this new thing, standing between him and what he just realized, not but a week ago, he's so desperately wanted all along. [People]
"Kristen Stewart Exposes Bra, Steps Out With Rumored New Dog: Picture" Kristen Stewart has a weird life. I'm not sure what else there is to say about this. "Rumored New Dog." If she's walking the thing and you heard she might have a new dog, that's probably the dog. If someone's walking from a supermarket with orange juice, is it their rumored new orange juice or is it their orange juice? I think it's their orange juice. And the bra thing... Pfft. Ugh. [Us Weekly]
Justin Bieber tried to get into the Griffin, the club in New York City where Chris Brown and Aubrey Graham had their big glass fight, on Monday night, but he wasn't allowed in. Because he's a babyboy! He's only 19! Still a teen! Still a small child who is not legally allowed into places that only serve no-no drinks. Sorry, Justin! Maybe it was time for bedtime anyway. Well, no, I guess he got into another club down the street, but it is funny that he tried to go to one place and they said, "No, absolutely not, don't be ridiculous you are a teenager. Why would we let a teenager into our bar?" Good for them for saying that. Of course they only did that because JB has been a source of bad press lately, but still, they did it. And we should salute them. [TMZ]
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