The intrepid self-proclaimed sex savants at Cosmopolitan took a subtle dig at the Internet netizens at Reddit by insinuating in a recent listicle that the "ultra-nerds" there have no idea how to handle sexy times with a woman. And, well, that went over about as well as you would expect it would when an oft-mocked women's magazine mocks a group of men with a lot of power on the Internet. But is Cosmo really that much better at giving sex advice than your neighborhood Redditor?
Here's the piece of advice in question:
That comes from a June 4 article on Cosmo's website entitled "The 9 Guys You Must Hook Up With in College — And Then Never Again," written by Anna Breslaw, who also writes at Jezebel. But that one line — "read Reddit advice on how to sex you up" — comes across more like a condescending Aww, how cute than any sort of admiration for Reddit or its /r/sex advice subreddit.
And that one line most certainly did not go unnoticed by the Reddit community at large, with the spawning of a massive thread with over 50,000 votes. "I have a long standing policy of turning around every Cosmo magazine I see while in the grocery line, so the back faces out. Everyone should do that, it's fucking patriotic," wrote one user, who does not go to my grocery store. "Who wrote this shit? The thought of some arrogant airhead sitting at her desk writing this infuriates me," another Redditor wrote.
But maybe the women of Cosmo have a point and Reddit's sex advice really is bad. Or maybe the (mostly) men of Reddit are right and the sex-position know-it-alls at Cosmo are just purveyors of useless tips. Below, see if you can tell the difference!
Let's play Name Where That Sex Tip Came From (since Cosmopolitan is geared toward women, we had to find some gender-neutral sex tips to make the game at least semi-challenging):
5. Ice cubes: Just make sure you put them in a bowl of cold water first so they warm slightly. Ever get your finger stuck to an ice cube while you're taking it out of the tray? Imagine doing that to a nipple. REDDIT COSMO
9. Ask what songs he listened to in junior high, and play them during a hookup. It will take him back to that time when he was in an almost permanent state of horniness, triggering his primal urges. REDDIT COSMO
10. To begin, put a generous amount of water-based lube on one or two fingertips (make sure you replenish the lube often) and gently massage the area around the outer rim. Once he's riled up, test the waters by gently sliding just the tip of your middle finger inside. If he clenches his sphincter muscles, which encircle the anal opening, pull your finger out and continue rubbing the outer area to help reduce his tension. REDDIT COSMO
1-3 Correct: You clearly need to brush up on your sex tip articles
4-7 Correct: You know your stuff. You're probably a hit at parties.
8-10 Correct: You read a lot of freaky Internet stuff.
All in all, these tips prove one thing: People like sex, and they and like to read about sex. And, who knows, perhaps neither Cosmo nor Reddit is the be-all-end-all for everyone's sex life. But everyone should be slightly worried for all future victims of an ice-cubing.
Photo by: Africa Rising via Shutterstock.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.