Was your teenage daughter in a weird mood last night and this morning? And by weird mood I mean crashing around the house, leaving teen daughter-shaped holes in the walls, weeping and shrieking and blubbering sad things to the dog? Well, I can explain why: It seems that Harry Styles, the shaggy-haired chief heartthrob of boy band One Direction, has been seen smooching a new lady friend in Oslo, Norway. She's an 18-year-old student named Camilla Foss, a fan of the band who caught Harry's eye and was seen meeting him at his hotel before taking him to a party on a bus full of 1D fans. There, things "got pretty sweaty," according to some weird creep. It's possible things got sweaty just because it was a bunch of people on a bus, but it's also quite likely that other things occurred. The young people of Twitter are, as expected, freaking out, some issuing fatwas against this Camilla person, some urging fellow fans to calm down, and others celebrating the silver lining: Hey, at least it was a fan, right? Meaning if one fan can get it, maybe any fan can! I mean, probably not your daughter, who is currently doing the Three Stooges walk in circles on the floor thing, sobbing and saying "No no no no." She might not be quite Harry's type. But some other fan maybe. Just maybe. But none of this really matters, right? We all know that after the little rumor planting operation, Harry went straight back to his hotel room and climbed back into bed with Louis, where they watched a couple episodes of The West Wing on their iPad before falling asleep. They're like old marrieds, those two. [Daily Mail]
Oh goodness, this is a strange day for teens! And, actually, this news doesn't just pertain to teens. It probably also means something to your coworker Megan, the one who's always talking about salad dressing in the break room and still jokingly says "Riiiiight" in that sarcastic Dr. Evil tone. Her. Anyway, the news is this: Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder, of The Vampire Diaries, have split up as a real-life couple. Yes. They're sorta on-again, off-again on the show, but in the real world they were a longstanding item. But, no longer. Elena and Damon are no more. So I'm sure some teens out there are sad about that, gurgling over homemade fan videos on YouTube, staring wistfully at posters on their bedroom walls. But they'll be fine. Someone really needs to check on Megan, though. She's the person who made those fan videos on YouTube and is very likely not handling this well. Like, crying "Whyyy??" on Skype with her Internet friend Colin, a gay guy who lives in England who Megan is secretly in love with. It's bad. She's 32 years old, she knows she shouldn't be acting like this, but she can't help it. Colin's trying to comfort her by saying "Well now she and Stefan can get together?" but it's not much comfort for poor Megan. Probably best for her to sign off Skype, let Colin go back to drinking rum in the kitchen with the boyfriend he hasn't had the guts to tell Megan he has, and go make a few more fan videos. Be productive and then go to bed and go to work the next day, where her coworkers won't notice a thing except that she's a little less chatty than usual, and sadly they'll be glad for the peace and quiet. [Us Weekly]
Should Kim Kardashian move to Paris? Kanye West wants to raise their impending child in France, but Kim is hesitant. After all, she was born and raised in California, and look how well she turned out! Kanye's trying to sell her on Paris, though, and apparently she's softening on the idea after a few visits. But, she has demands, chiefly that "[Kanye] buy her her very own castle outside of Paris." Oh! Oh! See if the Real World: Paris chateau is available! Do you think that's where Kim got the idea? Probably. Where else would Kim get the idea to live in a castle outside of Paris? "I was watching Marie Antoinette..." No, Kim wouldn't watch that movie. She totally saw Real World: Paris back when it was on and wants to see if she can detect the ghost of CT. So maybe this will really happen! It would be very funny if Kanye West and Kim Kardashian raised a little Parisienne baby. Honestly? That would probably be a pretty cool kid, bopping around Paris before going home to its sex-tape star mom and possibly crazy musician dad. You probably wouldn't want to talk to that kid at a party, but you might want to kinda stand in a corner with a friend and whisper about that kid at a party. I think Kim should do it! In some ways it would be the most interesting thing she's ever done. "Yeah, screw it, see you in hell, Calabasas. I'm doing this thing in Paris, France." She should listen to "Free Man in Paris" a couple times and then just go. You can do it, Kim! For us! Or, y'know, for the kid! [Radar]
There's a rumor that the producers of American Idol plan to fire all four current judges for next season, upset as they are with the show's precipitous ratings decline and general lack of buzz. They paid a bundle to get Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj on the show (they just let Randy in the building after he knocked for a while, and Keith was mostly just excited to be out of the house) and it hasn't worked out. No one's really talking about them as judges, no one's really talking about the show, and no one's really watching it either. So, time for an overhaul, is their thinking. Which, as I've said before, is not very good thinking. The problem is not the judges. People watched this show more when it was Kara DioGuardi and Ellen DeGeneres for crying out loud. People don't really care about the judges. The real problem is twofold: years of lackluster winners and the one thing they can't control, time. People get sick of things! It just happens. Nothing to be done about it. They should cut their losses now and move on. It was a grand and glorious thing once. But nothing gold can stay. Seacrest will be fine. He'll be completely fine. [Us Weekly]
Did singer John Legend, engaged to model Chrissy Teigen, kiss some other lady at a restaurant in New York last Friday night? Page Six says yes. Page Six says that Legend was eating dinner with some pals when his group got to talking to two young women sitting next to them, and then the next thing anyone knew, Legend was going into the bathroom and pulled her in with him. Then the lady was overheard saying to a friend that she and Legend had made out. So who knows! It could be nothing. The witness says that after the alleged make-out session, "The same girl saw another hot guy and started talking to him." Which is very funny and oddly sad. I don't know. Is this any of our business? Is any of this any of our business? Good god what are we doing. [Page Six]
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.
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