Though she spends most of her time in England, gliding across the moorlands in the form of a fine silvery mist, celebrated actress and higher being Gwyneth Paltrow also has a home in the Brentwood section of Los Angeles, and she has angered her neighbors. Yes, partly because she's often seen peering into their windows at night, shaking her head in dismay when she sees what they're eating for dinner. And, yes, also partly because she's been known to sneak into houses through the mail slot and replace everyone's toilet paper with kale. But mostly, right now anyway, the issue is that the gate to her home is too high. The legal limit for such driveway gates is six feet, but Gwyneth's gate is a whopping nine. The neighbors think it's an eyesore and that it's unfair, so someone called the L.A. City Department of Building and Safety and now Gwyneth could be facing a huge penalty: $900. Yes, $900. I don't know if she can swing it. So she should change that gate! Look, these neighbors are being crazy people, yes, but if those are the rules, those are the rules. Gwyneth Paltrow is not above the law. I mean she may be literally above it, floating over people's heads as she blows by on an updraft, but she's still subject to the law. Fix the dang fence, Gwyneth. And stop slinking down neighbors' chimneys and replacing all their books with copies of It's All Good. [TMZ]
Speaking of the England-dwelling elite, Duke William of Cambridge and his wife Duchess Kate have hired a new servant! Or rather been given one. As the couple prepares to leave their Nottingham cottage and move into their apartment in Kensington Palace, and of course to have a baby, they need some extra help. So William's grandmama Queen Elizabeth has given them one of her house girls, an Italian named Antonella Fresolone. Ms. Fresolone, 42, is described as "unmarried, Italian, and already on the job." That sounds like a fine setup to me. Good to have them unmarried and at that age, means they likely won't meet someone at market and run off. Loyalty's important. The Italian matter is, of course, slightly less than desirable, Mediterranean and ethnically emotional as that lot is, but the realities of the modern world mean you can't always get a good upstanding Englishwoman. So this ought to work well. And because she's been in the employ of the Queen for a while, presumably Prince Harry knows her, meaning he won't likely make her another of his cruel conquests, as he's rumored to have done with other maids and servant girls, leaving scandal and broken hearts and vengeful bastard princes scattered across the United Kingdom and its overseas territories. No, this one ought to be immune to that, no selling an unwanted child to the Anglican church this time. Congrats to Wills and Kate on welcoming this exciting new addition into their lives. And I suppose preemptive congrats on the baby too, which Fresolone will now carry to term after she and Kate perform the ancient and mysterious British transferral ceremony. [People]
Uh oh. Justin Bieber may soon be hauled in front of a judge. The L.A. County Sheriff's Department is currently recommending that the district attorney's office prosecute Bieber for his alleged asault of a neighbor, which supposedly went down in March. A neighbor was angry at Justin for loudly hot-dogging in his car on the residential street, which resulted in a confrontation and ended with Bieber, some say, yelling threats and spitting in the guy's face. That is not good! And now Biebs might be getting some legal discipline. Not jail, it seems, but something. I mean, he can't do jail. That would not go well. For one, the jumpsuits are not drop-crotch. Can't have that. Another, where would he park his Fisker at jail? And of course his Twitter access would be severely limited. Without those three things, Justin Bieber cannot live as we know him to live. And what would the world be without its childlike emperor? Lost to the Nothing, is my guess. It would be a catastrophe. So go easy on him, judge. The world is counting on Justin Bieber. [TMZ]
Rachel Leigh Cook, of She's All That fame, has taken off her glasses, let her hair down, and revealed she is with child. She and her husband, Vampire Diaries actor Daniel Gillies, are expecting their first child, a happy thing for them but a weird thing for those that remember her as Mary Anne in The Babysitters Club. Now she's the one in need of a babysitter! How old is little Karen now? Can she do it? Might Kristy have another great idea? It's all very strange to think about. [Us Weekly]
Here are some photos of various celebrities who went to Monday night's Met Gala walking around in New York the next day, looking far more casual than they did the night before. Because they don't always dress in wild gowns and wilder makeup. No, sometimes they wear dungarees and other trousers. The Daily Mail would have you believe that some of them might even be hungover after the night of glitzy partying and after-partying, but I can't imagine that to be true. These people are celebrities! They stand as role models to us miserable lowlifes shuffling around in the shadows at their feet. They can't be hungover. Drinking to excess is only something we sad dumps do, to drown out the misery of our impotence and insecurity. No, I'm sure these stars were simply dressing down to avoid recognition, wanting to walk among the people unmolested, so that they may observe us and learn new ways in which to depict our sorrowful lives in their grand filmed farces and tragedies. Noble work for noble people. Let us be forever thankful for the blessings of their existences. [Daily Mail]
And here is a picture of Ryan Gosling lifting a heavy box. That's what it is. An article all about a picture of Ryan Gosling with a big box in his arms. Look at him carry it! Isn't it remarkable? Ryan Gosling holding a heavy thing. We live in a wondrous world. [Us Weekly]
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