Welcome to the Box Office Report, where Bruce Willis came at the Queen but he definitely missed.
1. Identity Thief (Universal): $14.1 million in 3,222 theaters [Week 3]
After a brief stint in second place, the Melissa McCarthy mobile is back on track. The newly minted queen of comedy is back on top on a relatively sleepy weekend not exactly known for its big box office totals.
The Oscars, and hype around the movies potentially receiving awards, generally occupies the attention of everyone thinking about movies. That leaves the February fare keeping theaters running on the outs. Yes, it is ironic no one goes to the movies on Oscar weekend, but no, we don't want to hear you rant about the injustice of it all. So shut up and watch the red carpet already.
2. Snitch (Summit): $13 million in 2,511 theaters
Oh, right, there was a new movie that came out this week. And, like literally every movie being released in 2013, it stars the Rock! Are you guys ready for The Box Office Report to make fun of Rocky Maivia every weekend? Oh, good golly, we're excited. Did you know he still does wrestling? After years of saying he was above it because he was trying to be a movie star, and not some silly wrassler, he went back to wrestling because he realized: A) it's a direct microphone to 14 million people every week, which is a better promotional opportunity than some Entertainment Tonight interview; and B) $$$$$$$$$$$$. The Rock has a marketable smile and charisma for days, but he didn't get into the University of Miami for his intelligence.
3. Escape from Planet Earth (Weinstein Company): $11 million in 3,353 theaters
This is the first of Brendan Fraser's eight movies scheduled to come out this year. Now, not all of these will make it to theaters. In fact, we suspect many of them won't. But that doesn't change the fact that Brandan Fraser is in eight movies this year. What even is this world?
4. Safe Haven (Relativity): $10.6 million in 3,223 theaters
Somewhere, Josh Duhamel is desperately trying to get Michael Bay on the phone so he can convince Bay to cast him as Casey Jones in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Somewhere, Michael Bay thinks that's a great idea.
5. A Good Day to Die Hard (Fox): $10 million in 3,555 theaters
Bruce Willis has a sad. Seriously, this falling immediately to fifth is depressing. Maybe there will be some kind of variety show on television tonight to cheer us up.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.