"Go to Disneyland? Lemon, I've held Walt Disney's frozen head in my hands." —Jack, Season 3, Episode 16
"Lizzing is a combination of laughing and whizzing." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 16
"Yes, the rest of us talked about it last night at Finnegan's, the bar we go to after work. In my dreams." —Kenneth, Season 3, Episode 17
"We have a show tonight. I've never missed a show. Not even the time I had that virus they kept saying only raccoons get." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 18
"The Kid's Choice Awards? Fine, I'll set aside my feud with Raven-Symoné for one day, but she knows what she did." —Jenna, Season 3, Episode 18
"You're wise, Liz Lemon. Like a genetically-manipulated shark." —Tracy, Season 3, Episode 19
"In my experience, 'let's think about it' usually ends up as me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 19
"Isn't there a Slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?" —Elisa, Season 3, Episode 19
"Don't push it Liz, let it happen. There's gonna be a Mama Mia!" —Liz, Season 3, Episode 21
"If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 21
"Which one is the elevator I'm not afraid of?" —Tracy, Season 4, Episode 1
"When the Parcells first came to America, they lived in a town called Sexcriminalboat." —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 3
"My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico." —Liz, Season 4, Episode 5
"Looks like you got a bad case of the chew-daddies. Ozark kisses? The woodsman's companion?" —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 5
"Miss Maroney, your Mexican diet pills came. Should I start taking them to test their side effects?" —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 5
"Global warming? Sorry, sir, that's just scientist talk. The same people who say my grandfather was a monkey. If that's true, why was he killed by a monkey?" —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 6
"I know it's a girl, Liz Lemon, because I yelled out 'Susan B. Anthony' at the moment of conception." —Tracy, Season 4, Episode 9
"For four years I've had to make do with what passes for men around here, with their untucked shirts, boneless faces, their Stars, both Wars and Trek." —Jack, Season 4, Episode 10,
"You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless." —Liz, Season 4, Episode 11
"The imaginary enemy. Classic move, Lemon. The Salem Witch Trials, the Red scare, global warming." —Jack, Season 4, Episode 11
"I'm sure she's down there, chain-smoking, sitting on the curb, waiting for me to come out. Just like the day I was born." —Jenna, Season 4, Episode 12
"There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!" —Liz, Season 4, Episode 18
"Well I'm sorry Sean, and child actor whose name I can't remember. You haven't walked in my shoes! All my life I've tried to forget the things I've seen: I slept on an old dog bed stuffed with wigs! I watched a prostitute stab a clown! Our basketball hoop was a ribcage! A guy in dreads electrocuted my fish! a crackhead breast-feeding a rat! A homeless man cooking a Hot Pocket on a third rail of the G train! The G train, Nermal!" —Tracy, Season 4, Episode 21