Today in celebrity gossip: What did an 'NSYNC member do to earn Justin Timberlake's ire? Also, a peek at Jessica Biel's dress, a surprising rumor about Jessica Simpson's dad, and James Franco is a recording artist.
When god (meaning Us Weekly) closes one mystery, he opens up a whole big other mystery that intrigues us more than the original mystery. We now know that the two members of 'NSYNC whom Justin Timberlake did not invite to his big beautiful Italian wedding were Joey Fatone and Lance Bass. Chris Kirkpatrick was there because, what, you think Chris Kirkpatrick had better things to do? And JC Chasez was invited, but couldn't make it because his brother was getting married that same weekend. But the other two, well, they didn't make the cut. The reasoning for not inviting all four was that, some shadowy source tells Us Weekly, a full-scale 'NSYNC reunion would "overshadow the wedding." Which is probably true. And that's probably all we needed to know about that. Except! Except. The source then went on to say, "And Justin hates Lance now." Wait, whaaaat? Alas, no elaboration is given. We are simply handed that big fiery pulsating detail and then left to discern what it means by ourselves while this source goes back to doing whatever sources do when they're not meeting Us Weekly reporters in the parking lot of Spago. So what do we think? Why does Justin Timberlake "hate" Lance Bass now?? Is it because he said that stupid thing about Timberlake's bride being a "guy's girl"? No, it probably had to be something that happened before that. So what could it be? It's not because Lance Bass is gay. We refuse to believe that Justin plays like that. Something must have happened. Lance must have done something or said something that earned him the great one's disdain. We really can't imagine what it might be. Our only guess, and we must admit it's a pretty good guess, is that they got into a fight about space. Remember how Lance Bass was going to be an astronaut? It's in the history books, look it up. Well maybe Justin wanted to be the first 'NSYNC member in space? Maybe they had a big space war about who should go to space first and Lance weaseled his way to a victory somehow and now Justin hates him, even though Lance's brave space mission was scuttled because haha Lance Bass in space. That's really the only theory we have. Either that or Justin is totally on Reichen Lehmkuhl's side in the big breakup and so has to hate Lance out of loyalty. But that sounds completely ridiculous. No, a space war is far more plausible. Whatever the reason, we really hope that Us Weekly doesn't let it sit at just that. We have to know why, guys. That's one of the Ws of reporting. Who: Lance Bass. What: Hate. Where: Here, and space. When: Now. How: Intensely. But Why? Why? Why, world, why?? Any information anyone has would be greatly appreciated. [Us Weekly]
While we're on the topic of JT's grand nuptials (we will be on the topic until something more interesting happens), People has released the cover for its big "Justin & Jessica: Our Wedding Album" issue, out this Friday. On the cover we see Justin and Jessica posing in their wedding garb, with Justin hovering in the air and Jessica looking lovely and very pink her big wedding gown. And, hm, it's a very posed picture. So did they just give People some of their wedding photos, or did they invite People magazine to the wedding and do a special photoshoot for them? The former would be fine, the latter would be a little weird. But, then again, celebrities' lives are weird. Maybe it seems totally normal to have a People magazine photographer at your wedding. After all, those Four Weddings ladies seem to have no problem having a reality camera crew and three strangers at their wedding, and that is their first (and last) time ever being on TV. But J&J have been on TV and in magazines and in movies for years. At this point a People magazine photographer probably feels like Tinkerbell or the fairy thing from Zelda games. It's just a constant, nagging, sometimes helpful presence in their lives. So it would only stand to reason that there a photographer would be for the big wedding day. Anyway, yeah, Friday. That's when we can gaze upon the wedding snaps, all sweaty faced and wheezing at the newsstand, grinning sadly at all the lovely pictures, our hair greasy and matted, flies buzzing around our heads, stroking the pictures with stubby, sausagey fingers and whispering "Pretty, pretty..." Well, at least some of us are going to do that. [People]
Uh, so, um, let's just talk about this because it's out there in the world and while it is likely salacious nonsense, it's salacious nonsense that people could very well be talking about, so you need to hear it. There is a big bold rumor afly that Jessica Simpson's dad, Joe, the creepy dad-manager who was always such an unsettling presence on Newlyweds and The Ashlee Simpson Show (his daughters' reality programs, natch), came out to his family a few months ago and is now dating a 20-year-old man. Yah. Uh huh. That's what The National Enquirer, via Radar, is saying, at least. Word is: "the former youth pastor and Baptist minister has a 20-something boy toy!" Which... What is there to even say about that? Good for him? Like, on the honesty with his family front and the finding, uh, "love" front, that is good news if true. Sure, of course. No time like the present to start living one's true, honest life. But just because that's good news doesn't mean it's not creepy to hear that a 54-year-old is dating some 20-year-old infant of a thing. Who cares what gender the person is, that's a big 34 years there. Twenty-year-olds are basically squirmy kittens still mewling for their mama's teat. And Joe Simpson, no matter how much he might try or how many different elaborate harnesses he might put on, is not going to be their mama cat. So it's a little strange, that's all. A little weird to think about Jessica Simpson meeting her dad's new 20-year-old boyfriend. "Is this your son?" Jessica will ask brightly. And Joe will respond, "No, uh, Jessica, remember now Jessica, I'm your dad, you're my daughter, remember?" And Jessica will nod slowly and say "Oh yessss. So wait, who is this?" And then Joe will explain again, "This is Dillon, we met at an Aeropostale, he helped me buy some jeans..." and then Jessica will shriek and pass out. That's just a weird, but probably totally accurate, scenario to think about. If this is all true, anyway. [Radar]
James Franco has recorded a Motown song with Smokey Robinson because the two met on a plane once and James asked Smokey if they could do it. So, uh, sure, all right. Can't wait for the next James Franco headline: James Franco Marries Lance Bass In Motown Space Wedding. Or better yet, James Franco Institutionalized With First-Ever Real Case of Exhaustion. The dude does too much. He does way too much. [Page Six]
Headline: "Kate Is Learning to Ride Horses." So, OK, that's great. You know, trying different positions is a good way to keep the spark alive in a marriage, so if Kate wants to flip the script and get on top once in a while that's great and, hm? What's that? Oh, actual horses? Oh. Oh dear. Sorry. O.K. Well, carrying on then, yes, Duchess Kate is pleasing her new family by learning to ride actual horses, despite the fact that she's allergic to them. (Haha, only rich people have the luxury of discovering they're allergic to horses.) She received an offer of lessons while at the Olympics and Paralympics back in August, and she's taken up on it. As she spends half her time in rural Wales, Kate is apparently becoming quite the country girl. She's also trying to grow potatoes, it seems, which ought to make for an interesting dinner sometime soon. "Darling, I've cooked for you." "You... you cooked, by yourself?" "Yes, from my garden. Sit, sit. There you go, and... voila! Potato a la Kate." And there's just a sad half-boiled potato on the plate with some dirt still clumped on it and a little sprig of wilted parsley beside it, and poor Will is forced to choke it down while Kate beams. Once he's eaten as much of it as he can, Kate smiles at him from across the big table and says, "I"ve sent the servants off for the night, so how's about we play another game of horsey? How about that, my big blond stallion?" And William clears his throat and says, "Uh, yes, quite. That should be lovely, to have relations." He takes a gulp of wine, Kate grabs his hand, and they're off. [People]
Those aren't Megan Fox's boobs, guys. So stop all that... unpleasantness. Or continue it, but just know that it's not actually Megan Fox naked that you're, um, availing yourself of, because Megan Fox says it isn't. Just know that and, y'know, try not to hurt yourselves. [TMZ]
Eva Longoria and 25-year-old New York Jets football hunk Mark Sanchez have split up, after four hot 'n' heavy months of dating. It seems that Sanchez didn't want the relationship to end, but Longoria, 37, was ready to move on. "Pump 'em and dump 'em, eh Joey boy?" Eva says when she calls Joe Simpson to tell him the news. "You know it, Eva girl," Joe hisses. "Oh, shoot, Evs I gotta call you back, the kid got into the pantry again. Hey, you! Riley! Yes you, get outta there. Shoo! I said shoo... Shoo....." [Page Six]
One of the moms from Teen Mom 2 is pregnant with her third child, at 20. She has the twins that got her on the show, and now she's married to a 23-year-old dude named Jeremy and they're expecting their first child together. Leah Calvert, nee Messer, says of the pregnancy, "Being a teen mom was difficult, but I'm older and in a different place now." So, OK. Whatever makes them happy. And hey, nice job once again, Dr. Drew. [Us Weekly]
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