Today in celebrity gossip: Taylor Swift might be in a scandalous Kennedy love triangle in which she's the villain, Lindsay Lohan and mama Dina get in a big fight in Long Island, and Sarah Palin's writin' a book.
Uh ohhh! There's trouble, maybe big trouble, with country conniver Taylor Swift's plan to infiltrate the Kennedy clan. You remember that she spent this summer giggling around with Conor Kennedy, grandson of RFK, even though she is an independent woman in her 20s and he is an 18-year-old second-time junior in high school. It was all a bit sordid, especially because the early rumors had Taylor with Conor's cousin, the wealthy young himbo Patrick Schwarzenegger. Well now there's some insidious rumor that Swift was at a recent Kennedy family function with Conor but was caught, at some point during the event, makin' out with Patrick. Like in a broom closet or something? It's unclear. Now the whole family is horrified and thinks she's got a weird obsession with the Kennedy family and so all the progress she made, all those inroads into those boozy, haunted halls, is suddenly gone. That's what this one thing is saying, anyway. Look, we can't blame Swift for being drawn to Schwarzenegger like a country moth to a muscly flame. He's 18 too, but at least he's in college, and has, like, started businesses and cracked this Twitter thing wide open. He's the far catchier of two catches, so what is a young woman to do? Anyway, though we've poked a little bit of outraged fun at this whole situation over the past few months, we hope this particular story isn't true. It's all a little too unseemly, and of course would mean that the larger story is over. And we don't want that. It would just be too sad. Taylor banished from Camelot, left to wander the chilly wilds of Cape Cod all by her lonesome, hitching rides up the coast all the way to Maine, peering into the windows at Kennebunkport, halfheartedly looking to see if there might be any stray Bush boys still wandering around. [Radar]
Oh god. Apparently there was some fight at Lohan manor, which of course is just Dina's house in Long Island right off the highway there, that involved the police. TMZ live blogged the whole thing or something, and here was their eventual conclusion as to what happened: "Dina was "wasted" at the nightclub. We're told the fight started when Lindsay wanted to take her limo to her NYC hotel, but Dina wanted to take it to her home in Long Island, to avoid paying for a taxi. Somehow Dina prevailed, over the intense protests of her daughter. We're told Dina scratched Lindsay's leg in the process." A Domestic Incident Report was filed but nothing else really happened. Oh good grief, ladies. Really? Especially you, Dina. But both of you, ultimately. A) Why are you clubbing together still, after all of this? 2) Dina, I know your daughter basically looks like a big limousine with money coming out of it to you, but she is not, and she wanted to go home. Pay for a cab. III.) Why haven't you two moved to a forest yet? Just move to the middle of a dark forest and live in a house that's propped up on chicken legs like Baba Yaga's house and don't bother yourselves or anyone else. Move to the forest and stop going to nightclubs and limousines. In the forest all you'll care about is finding berries and the occasional visit from the odd gnome or two. That's it. It'll be so much better for everyone. Come on, I'll help you pack. Where are your bindles? I know you both have bindles, so just tell me where they are and I'll throw your tattered rags in there and a jar of jelly or something for the journey and I'll drive you to the edge of the forest in a regular car, not a limousine, and will send you on your way. Come on, let's get going. [TMZ]
Former politician Sarah Palin says that she and her family will be writing a fitness book all about how they stay fit and healthy even though they each eat a huge vat of moose chili every day and then wash it all down with a big mug-full of, well, more moose chili. So this ought to be interesting! Especially because no one can really tell if a publisher has signed off on this thing or anything. The family might just be writing this book on their home computer and printing it out and stapling it together and showing it to their friends. "Look we wrote a book on fitness," Sarah says, pointing to the cover, with is a crudely drawn picture of some sort of humanoid figure doing what one could only guess is a jumping jack and then the word "Fitnis" above it. "Todd did the cover," Sarah will say, and Todd will do his trademark Todd Nod™ and Sarah will smile and one of the babies, that house is always fulla babies, will cry and then they'll hear a "Whoa whoaaa whooooops!!" and Levi Johnston will come tumbling off the roof, where he's been living for a few weeks, sneaking into the house at night and rummaging through the pantry like a common bear. Can't wait to read this book! [People]
Cover your teenage daughter's ears (or son's, what do I know, it's the '90s) because I'm about to tell you that Harry Styles, the mop-topped heartthrob of One Direction (is he the heartthrob? The goofy one? It's hard to tell, they all seem to function the same way) says that he's perhaps "too flirty." Mmhm. "I'm an 18-year-old boy, and I like to have fun!" he says. "I wouldn't say girl-crazy, because that makes me sound like a bit of a womanizer. That isn't really me." He's not girl-crazy, he's just flirty, see. So... Yeah, that means absolutely nothing. It's nice to see that boy band quotes about girls and stuff are still just as vague and as meaningless as they were back in the old days. Glad that grand tradition is carrying on. Oh, and hey look, one of Harry's bandmates does apparently have an individual identity beyond just being some bland tight jeans-wearer. He's a bad boy. The one called Zayn says, "I am a bit of a bad boy. I have tattoos and I mess around. That's part of my image, so it's cool." Ah yes. Nothing says bad boy quite like talking about one's "image." Baddest thing you can do. Also, kid, the lead character in Jersey Girl got a tattoo at the end of the first episode, so I'm not sure ink is really quite as bad as it maybe used to be. But who knows. Anyway. Your daughters' (and your son Bryce's, come on, you knew) imaginary boyfriends, ladies and germs. [People]
Prince William attended the funeral of his childhood nanny, Olga Powell, this morning. She was William and Harry's nanny for 15 years, and was there through Diana and Charles' divorce and Diana's death. So, that's a significant person in William's life. And certainly a common fixture of paparazzi photos of the children, which is pretty weird. Anyway, it's a sad thing. And if Harry needs anyone to talk to during this difficult time, he knows of course that we're here and that he can come over whenever, any time of day or night, we're just always kind of waiting for him to show up in a general sort of a way. [Daily Mail]
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.
We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to email@example.com.