Today in celebrity news: Miley is cute little Hannah Montana no more and she wants you to know it, Zac Efron doesn't like dates, Bristol Palin reviews a film, and Chris Brown issues a statement and makes a video all about this Rihanna situation.
No longer the screeching teen queen of the Disney empire, almost-20-year-old Miley Cyrus is spreading her lacquered wings and heading off into adulthood. And in Hollywoodland, adulthood means filming weird music videos in nightclubs, which is just what Cyrus has done. She and "45 club kids" recently filmed an "edgy music video" at Beacher's Madhouse and other places inside the Roosevelt Hotel. How weird was this video? Super weird. Like so weird that Miley's fiance Liam Hemsworth was dressed like a unicorn. Yuppp. That's pretty twisted, dude. Miley sure thinks so, to hear her tell it: “That shit was crazy . . . my fiancé was dressed as a unicorn. We make out in the video, which is very funny. We’re like, ‘This feels like a party!’ so it’s dope.” Haha, yup, sure is dope. Everyone's a dope. I mean dope. No "a." Look, can you think of anything crazier or doper than a man dressed as a unicorn or fiances kissing each other? That is some wild and wooly stuff, man. Wild 'n' wooly. What crazy thing will Miley get up to next? Kissing her husband while dressed as a kitty-cat? The couple holding hands in the park while wearing big chef's hats? Who even knows! She could do anything. Because she's growing up, she's testing boundaries and borders, she's trying to express herself as an artist. Don't try to limit her, man. Don't even try to understand her. It's like jazz. It's all in the videos she doesn't make. [Page Six]
Miley Cyrus' sorta-contemporary Zac Efron (who will be 25 in two weeks) is decidedly less crazy, going on the Ellen show and telling its host, also named Ellen, that dating is "kind of hard" for him. Aha. Right. He said, "A forced awkward situation is very strange. Especially for me, for some reason." Sure. For you. I'm not sure I'm buying it. Maybe it's more like he doesn't need to date? Like, he probably can just be at a party and see a girl from across the room and simply whisper her name and suddenly they are both transported back to his house and they are sitting on his couch drinking wine and she's kicking off her shoes and letting her hair down. I think that's how it works! So I guess I could understand how the traditional performative act of going on a normal dinner date would be weird, sure. "You mean I can't just blink my eyes at the girl of my choosing and before we both know it we're tangled in the sheets at her condo by the highway and there's a cat looking at us and sun is streaming in through the vertical blinds and all I want to do is go home? Well, I don't like that. I don't like that one bit." The point is that it's hard out there for Zac Efron. It's not all boogie boards and bjs, y'know? Things are difficult. Maybe he should try dressing up like a unicorn? Some people seem to enjoy doing that. [Us Weekly]
Current Dancing With the Stars all-star Bristol Palin was asked about Julianne Moore recently winning an Emmy for playing her mom, Sarah, in an HBO movie, and Palin's response was a measured and insightful review of the performance: "I don't think [Julianne Moore's] a good interpreter of my mom. I think my mom is way hotter than that. I think she doesn't have that accent. It's kind of silly, but my mom's awesome." Very incisive, I think. I mean, I remember seeing Michelle Yeoh in last year's The Lady and saying, "Nope, I'm not buying it, Aung San Suu Kyi is way hotter than that." We must always judge the performance of an actor playing a real person by the level of their hotness as it relates to the real person. Anthony Hopkins, for example, made Richard Nixon too hot. Richard Nixon was not as hot as that. Philip Seymour Hoffman, however, was exactly as hot as Truman Capote, and thus won an Oscar. It's simple math. And if there's one thing, literally one thing, that Bristol Palin knows, it's simple math. [Page Six]
Hulk Hogan is threatening to sue an obscure gossip site called "Gawker" after this "Gawker" posted excerpts from a sex tape that the pro-wrestler made, possibly unwittingly. He's said to be drafting a cease-and-desist letter right now — or rather his lawyers are. I doubt he's writing the letter himself. "You guys better stop, or else! Cease and desist, OK???" That probably wouldn't hold up against legal scrutiny. Anyway, at present the edited video, which doesn't show any actual sex but does feature some dirty talk and Hulk without his bandana on, is still running on the "Gawker" Web site, but who knows for how long. Whatever happens, you can bet that with Hulk comin' after them, somebody's shirt is gonna get ripped. Which, well, OK, it's probably gonna be Hulk's shirt, but whatever. They're in for a world of hurt regardless. [TMZ]
Oh good. Stacy Keibler can breathe easy as she reads Us Weekly this morning and sees that she and George Clooney are still together. People were whispering that they'd maybe split up, but it looks like she gets to play another round. She's lasted over a year now! That's a good landmark to hit when dating the Cloons. Though, you have to worry about things like this: About the pair arriving at the Argo premiere in L.A. together, Us Weekly writes, "The film's producer, 51, and the Supermarket Superstars host, 32." Which, if the descriptor is going to be "the Supermarket Superstars host," just don't use a descriptor. Just skip that part. Don't describe her at all. Just say "the woman, 32." That's fine. That's more than fine. Keibs, you gotta get on this, because if Cloons reads one thing that describes you as "the Supermarket Superstars host," you might be in trouble. [Us Weekly]
So it looks like, or sounds like, Chris Brown has dumped his girlfriend Karrueche Tran because of this burgeoning thing with Rihanna. The exes spent three nights in a row together in New York, while Karrueche, I don't know, ordered What to Expect When You're Expecting on the hotel pay-per-view. So as to not hurt her any further, Brown decided to end the relationship, saying "I have decided to be single to focus on my career. I love Karrueche very much, but I don’t want to see her hurt over my friendship with Rihanna. I’d rather be single allowing us to both be happy in our lives." Which sounds plenty fair. Not sure a statement needed to be released about it, it could have stayed private, but OK. Fair enough. Everything's done. Except! Except maybe it is not. Because, bizarrely, Brown has also released a suspiciously well-edited video that includes both footage of him with Rihanna recently and of Brown in the back of a car on what looks like the West Side Highway drunkenly taling about how he's in love with two girls. It all seems a little suspiciously staged, so who knows what the hell he's got going on. Is there some new song about being in love with two people that this could all be stunt marketing for? It's beginning to all seem a little suspect. Or maybe this is just how kids do things these days, everything done in public, beautifully edited and only a synthesized version of real. [Page Six; Buzzfeed]
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