Dear god. In the most flagrant disregard for the safety and well-being of former sitcom stars and R&B artists from the early 1990s since Celebrity Boxing, Fox has ordered a special called Stars In Danger: High Diving. Which is, yes, celebrity diving. And they acknowledge the danger, right there in the title! I can't tell if that's respectable or makes the whole thing even worse. The show, which will feature eight "celebrities" learning how to dive and then competing, is a one-off type of a thing, so I don't expect we'll see much training. It will mostly be, like, Dalton James hurling himself into a swimming pool from forty feet up in the air. Oh, yeah, they're doing the 10 meter. So basically everyone is going to die and then we'll all be put in jail and TV will be shut down forever and that will be that. It seems a fitting way to go. There are already series like this in Europe that have gone well (I guess you could say swimmingly) so there's a chance everyone will be fine, but this is America. We f-ck things up here. I sense a lot of death in the offing. Maybe they could at least have Tom Daley and Matthew Mitcham tagteam (uh...) host the show to, I dunno, cushion the blow. Anyway, which old TV star do you think will soon be floating face down in a swimming pool, dead as cranberries? [Deadline]
Bradley Cooper has agreed to star (alongside Emma Stone) in Cameron Crowe's next movie. Which, why god why, why would someone agree to do that? Has Cooper seen Cameron Crowe's movies recently? Like We Bought a Zoo or worst-movie-of-the-aughts Elizabethtown? Why would anyone agree to be in one of his movies? Well, actually, Bradley Cooper has a plan. See, this summer he did a production of The Elephant Man at the Williamstown Theatre Festival up in the Berkshires and he would like to do it as a limited Broadway run. But in order to do that he had to basically trade a favor with movie/theatre producer Scott Rudin. So, much like Gwyneth Paltrow did The Pallbearer in exchange for getting Shakespeare In Love, Cooper will do the sure-to-be raggedy Cameron Crowe movie and Rudin will then get The Elephant Man onto the White Way. So it works out for everyone. A little give, a little take. Bradley Cooper does awful Cameron Crowe movie, but then gets to do probably melodramatic Broadway limited run. Perfect. B.Coopz really wants to be taken seriously as an actor, guys. The Hangover III ought to help that. [Vulture]
So the last Twilight movie, Twilight 5: Sweet Eddie Cullen's Final Freakout, is coming out in less than a month and it is gonna be huge. Like Donald Trump-style 'UGE. 'ow 'uge? Pretty huge. Box office trackers are saying that it could be the biggest of the franchise, with advance ticket sales already 16% higher than the last film's. So brace yourselves everyone. It's gonna be a hormone-y lead up to Thanksgiving. Every girl and Jacob-lovin' boy in the land is going to be squealing away about this movie for a long while. I mean, most of the girls (and Edward-'shipping boys) who read Twilight in high school are, like, probably almost done with college at this point, so priorities may have shifted for them, but the grown-ass adults who were already grown-ass adults when the books first came out, they remain ever-devoted to this terrible, truly terrible, series of movies, so they will make this thing a phenomenon with their bare, pale, sweaty, be-ringed, dark nail-polished hands. Get ready, is all I'm saying. One positive is that if you need to get any shopping done at Hot Topic during that time, the store will basically be empty because everyone will be down on the first floor of the mall at the movie theater. So, y'know, plan your shopping accordingly, y'all. Otherwise get outta the dang mall! The Twihards are coming! [Deadline]
If you like your hunks a little less pale and a lot more covered in soot, you're gonna like this news: NBC has ordered five more scripts of its new hunks series Chicago Fire after a recent 20% spike in ratings. That's huge news for hunks the nation over, especially with only two weeks to go until the election. Will NBC's hunk endorsement affect who shows up to the polls? It could. If the hunk economy is running high, it tends to change the national sentiment, and with this script order, the hunk economy has certainly been buoyed. This also bodes well for ABC's upcoming Police Flex, about hunky police officers in San Francisco. [The Hollywood Reporter]
Recently separated (wahhh) Rhea Perlman will join Kirstie Alley in her new TV Land pilot (wahhh), Giant Baby. On the show, Alley plays a Broadway star whose estranged (she gave him up for adoption) son shows up and is like "Hey Ma" and then everything gets weird and crazy and zany. Perlman will play the son. Haha, no, no, don't you wish? That would be genuinely weird and crazy and zany. But no, Perlman is actually playing Alley's "long-suffering assistant" Thelma. So she's another blue-collar lady working for a character played by Kirstie Alley. Some things never change. But hey, whatever the work, it's nice that Rhea Perlman is getting it. She has a brief but memorable scene in The Sessions where she's very good and kinda serious and it's a nice change of pace. This won't be serious by any means, but it could be kind of fun. Good luck, everyone! And thank you, TV Land, for tirelessly rescuing faded TV actresses of a certain age from certain infomercial doom. You are really doing the lord's work. [Deadline]
Here's a picture of Don Hamm (haha) and his fake wife Canadian Megan on the set of Mad Man, the acclaimed show from EMC. Don and Megan are on some sort of beach probably very happy in love because that's just how Mad Man is. Whatever is happening, we can at least confirm that Megan has boobs, there is no doubt about the fact that she has boobs in that pic, and that Don Hamm probably likes them and her boob-shaped sunglasses. Enjoy, boob watchers! And be sure to watch the next season of Mad Man, only on ABC. [Entertainment Weekly]
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