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Certain reports have the Today show's biggest star throwing some angry weight around. Elsewhere in celebrity gossip: Barack Obama hangs out with Jay-Z and makes some jokes, Zsa Zsa Gabor's leg is missing, and Will and Kate have a few drinks. 

As the once-dominant Today Show, a program now chiefly about two old ladies drinking wine at ten in the morning, continues to flounder, losing ground to Good Morning America and struggling to make its new cohost Savannah Guthrie into someone that anyone cares about, old cohost Matt Lauer is getting angry. Page Six reports today that Lauer has gone into "anchor animal" mode, a phrase they keep repeating as if it means something. Basically what they're trying to say is that Lauer has become obsessed with ratings, has banned talk of GMA on set, and is running around telling all the crew that they're not working hard enough, while he earns seventy kabillion dollars an hour for reading a goddarned teleprompter. Page Six insists that Lauer is charging around on set like a madman, but Lauer says it's not true. "Please print this story — it’s the most interesting and dangerous I’ve ever sounded!" he said to the pape. So he's having a laugh and maybe he's telling the truth, but there's also the possibility that he thinks it's all funny and silly while meanwhile the staff is cowering in corners and furtively weeping, terrified that the mean old Lauer man, the Anchor Animal, will come find them and mercilessly berate them. It might all be a perspective thing, y'know? But, perspective aside, what everyone can see is pretty plain: The Today Show is in trouble and something's gotta change. You have to think that Meredith Vieira is watching this with a bit of satisfaction. The whole thing fell apart when she left! Meanwhile Ann Curry is downing another martini at Mac's Morning Midtown Bar and cackling. "Macky boy, it's gonna be a fine morning," she says, toasting to the bartender and gazing, pickle-eyed, up at the TV. [Page Six]

President Obama was at a big fundraiser thrown by rapper and mogul Jay-Z at his 40/40 Club in New York last night, and he made a few of his trademark self-deprecating remarks. He told the $40,000-a-plate crowd that "Michelle, Sasha and Malia are mad at me because they aren't here," after crediting Jay-Z's wife Beyonce as a role model for his daughters. He then expressed some commonality with Jay-Z, saying "We both have daughters and our wives are more popular than we are. So, you know, we've got a little bond there. It's hard but it's okay." So that's cute, huh? Sure the idea of a dark-lit, celebrity-filled, $40,000-per-person private fundraiser for a political candidate is pretty grotesque on its merits, but as far as those evil things go, this sounds like at least some fun, charming evil. That's all you can really say about any of this. Meanwhile, Mitt Romney addressed an army of robots on a remote island in Lake Huron, saying "The time is now my beautiful, wondrous children. Ready yourselves, we attack at dawn!" So, that's maybe something to be worried about. [White House Pool Reports]

Poor old Zsa Zsa Gabor, a 95-year-old invalid at this point, didn't know that she'd had her leg amputated until some months after the procedure. Her husband just couldn't bear to tell her, so he, y'know, just waited until she made the horrifying discovery on her own. That's much better! Such a better solution. Way better that she find out that she's missing a leg on her own some random terrifying day instead of her husband gently telling her when it happens. Keep in mind that Gabor's husband is Prince Frederic von Anhalt, that weirdo fake prince who was given the title, sort of, after being adopted as a 37-year-old man, and whose Wikipedia page includes such wonderful items as the time he accidentally fused his eye shut with nail glue. He's a cool dude, this fake prince. And he'll tell you about the damn leg when he's good and ready. [Page Six]

Further reports suggest that William and Kate, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, had a lovely time at their private Solomon Islands resort, which is very nice for them. The most important detail released today is that William allegedly drank two, count 'em two, piña coladas, which is a funny image. "I like their sugary taste!" William hoots, clapping and ordering another. "Whatever is in them?" Kate smiles graciously but a little embarrassed at the waiter. "He didn't get out much as a child," she says by way of explanation, stroking her husband's hand as he points at some locals and says, "Kitty, look at those funny people!" Poor William. [Us Weekly]

Some dude is suing Dennis Quaid because Quaid let him go horseback riding on his land (land he no longer owns) and while the dude was horseback riding the sprinkler system came on and startled the horse, knocking the dude off and sending the horse crashing down on top of him. He suffered a lot of injuries and now he's blaming Quaid. Which, wait, what? Dennis Quaid was nice enough to let you ride a horse on his precious, hard-earned land, and then you can't control that horse and get horse-squished, and you're blaming Dennis Quaid? Nunh unh. Nope. Unfair. Incorrect. That is on you, dude. Especially considering this sentence: "[The dude] says he was not wearing a helmet and was looking down at his watch at the time of the accident." Oh. Great. So, sure. Sue Dennis Quaid for that. What a dope. [TMZ]

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had a "dramatic makeup" recently, if some reports are to be believed. Which might mean they're back together, but it might mean that they are doing elaborate drag to work through their problems. Dramatic makeup! Fuchsia eyeshadow! Crazy glitter lips! They should definitely do that if they haven't already. It would really help things, I think. [Us Weekly]

Calvin Klein's ex-boyfriend, former porn actor Nick Gruber, claims that the fashion designer is having him stalked, apparently jealous over Gruber's new boyfriend, an animator and nephew of Lucky Luciano named John Luciano. Here is a picture of them kissing. I don't see any spies or private detectives in those photos, lurking in the bushes or anything, do you? So it must not be happening. Gruber is likely just trying to drum up press for his tell-all book What Came Between Me and My Calvin, the title being a reference to that old Calvin Klein jeans campaign that only a few people remember. Who is going to read that book, really? Nobody, that's who. Who cares! "Oh my, Calvin Klein is a weird guy." That is not a surprise. Someone should write a tell-nothing book one of these days. Just a page long: "This celebrity is normal and fine." End of story. It'd be fascinating! [Page Six]

Karl Lagerfeld is mumbling on about the looks of the Middleton sisters again, if you care to listen. He's trying to be nice to their mom, but in doing so insults all of them. Karl Lagerfeld, meanwhile, continues to look like the Franken Berry monster's handsome great aunt. [Daily Mail]

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