Though she despoiled their relationship by messing around with another dude and there are reports that he is doing sexts with Rihanna, Robert Pattinson may not have given up on his ladylove Kristen Stewart just yet. Word is that after an hour of Kristen pleading with him on the phone, Robert has agreed to meet up in person. You know, so they can talk things out, cry a little, stare at each other in stony silence from across the table, then suddenly lunge towards one another, not sure if they want to f--k or fight, but pretty soon it becomes clear it's the former, and suddenly they're all the way into it, not like before, different, angrier of course, more urgent, and also older, they're both older now, they feel, now that they've navigated these strange adult waters. That's going to happen! Or it could happen. Kristen has been seen wearing Robert's Baltimore Orioles cap and Robert has been wearing a pair of her sunglasses. They always shared clothes, but maybe now it's a secret sign, "I'm thinking of you," or "You're still mine," or something along those lines. They could still make it, you guys. It could still happen. And afterward when they are panting and exhausted on the floor, Kristen will rest her head on Rob and say into his skin, "We have to go to the Twilight premiere soon," and Rob will sigh a heavy sigh and pull her in closer and say, "Last one, babe. One more time until we're done." [OK!; Daily Mail]
OK, so, the "gigantic thing" having to do with Prince Harry from yesterday's gossip might be a video. Yeah, it's being reported (a term used loosely) that there is video of Harry's naked nighttime romp in his Las Vegas hotel room, and that it's being peddled around to the highest bidder. So that could be serious. It's unclear whether the alleged video (it claims to be a video, but maybe it is a tape? A hat? A duck? Who knows! It's only alleged!) simply shows Harry in his hotel room without his naughty bits covered up, or if there's more explicit material to be concerned with. (Read: Desperate for.) Either way, it shan't be good for the monarchy, no sir. They might have to ship Harry off somewhere far away for a while. "Go! Go live in Canada," the Queen will say with haughty, disgusted dismissal. And Harry will go live in one of the crown's old royal wood forts in the Yukon, pillaging the land of its game beasts for the many long feasts he throws in his honor, and stealing the maidenhood of the town's daughters. But at least he'll be out of the tabloids. At least there's that. [Radar]
Oh, for heaven's sake. Lindsay Lohan is wanted for questioning in two crimes right now. Two. One traffic accident and one jewel theft. Good grief. 1) Good grief to you, Lindsay. Stop it with these antics. Maybe you need to move to Canada for a while. Be the queen of Prince Edward Island. 2) Good grief to you, California police departments. The jewel heist I get, but the traffic thing? That just sounds like someone wants to meet Lindsay Lohan. Though, I suppose at this point probably most of the police in southern California have already met Lindsay Lohan. I suppose that's true. [TMZ]
Is Alec Baldwin's shiny new wife pregnant? That's what some people are whispering about, after they saw her at a fundraiser in the Hamptons not drinking and being careful about what she ate. Page Six writes, "A Hamptons insider who also noticed [Hilaria] Thomas wasn’t drinking declared, 'She’s not overeating, she’s infanticipating!'" Which, um. Ha. What? No. No, no. There was no "insider" who said "infanticipating." That is absolutely not a thing that a real person said. Regardless of whether this supposed Hamptons insider is real and did see Alec Baldwin's wife at some dumb party, that person never, not once ever, said "infanticipating." Why? Because no one in the history of the English language, from Ælfric of Eynsham to E.L. James, has ever used the world "infanticipating." Because it is not a word. And never will be. This is fact. In every far corner of the Anglosphere, this is true. [Page Six]
Two items from The New York Daily News' new Confidential column. The first is the hilarious news that Bravo queen bee Andy Cohen was spotted at The Pines on Fire Island chatting up some toned young man and that Cohen asked "Do you know who I am?" and the kid, described as a "ripped young Southerner," said no. Haha, whooooops. Then Andy tried to explain to him about Real Housewives of Atlanta and NeNe Leakes, but it was to no avail. Swing and a miss, Cohen. Big swing, big miss. The other tidbit is that, hey, if you're a 14-year-old girl and reading this, A) You should not be reading this, you have far better things to do with your young life than waste it listening to sour adults sourly talking about other adults, and B) If you're in the market for a kid with a good, humble work ethic but who's also got a lot of family money behind him, Julianne Moore's son Caleb has a summer job, flipping burgers at a restaurant somewhere on the East End of Long Island. Only a few days of summer left, but you might still be able to catch him! [Confidential]
Oh, dear. It seems Taylor Swift really has it bad for this Conor Kennedy. (Or she's that committed to infiltrating the family.) She had to leave Hyannis Port last week to go back home to Tennessee and work on promoting her new single, but she could barely last a few days without sending an honest to goodness jet to go collect Conor and bring him to her side. Yes, she sent an airplane for him. That's how serious it is. Well, I hope they enjoy these next few days together, these sad last glimmers of sweet summer, until Tuesday comes and, y'know, Conor has to go back to school. To high school. Where he is a junior. For the second time. Taylor. Come on. [Page Six]
Russell Brand might be dating Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell? Apparently they've been quite canoodly since the Olympics closing ceremonies. Which would make him... Black Pepper Spice? Gunpowder Spice? Old Witch's Finger Spice? Something like that. [Daily Mail]
Simon Cowell reportedly scolded Britney Spears about her appearance on The X Factor after she showed up to an audition day without a bra and with her hair a bit of a mess. He told her that she is to look styled and perfect every time she is on camera. This from the guy with the worst haircut in the Northern Hemisphere and whose hubcap-sized nipples are constantly beaming out to us from his thin V-neck T-shirts. Check yaself, Simon. Check yaself good. [Page Six]
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.
We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to email@example.com.