Oh, dear. Leonardo DiCaprio, a nice boy who is nice to his mother, has come in contact with naked women of loose morals while filming his latest movie. Leonardo and his Wolf of Wall Street costar Matthew McConaughey had to endure "five or six takes" of women "rubbing their breasts" in their faces for a strip club scene, which must have shocked and horrified poor young master Leonardo. He's a simple boy, a kind boy, not one who has ever had "five or six" naked women thrusting their heaving, unclad bosoms in his face. Can you imagine Leonardo DiCaprio, member of the late 1990s cat appreciation society "The Pussy Posse," enduring such a thing? The poor, sweet, innocent man. Strippers! Smushing themselves into his saintly, virginal face. The heart shudders at the thought. Of course that country sleazehole Matthew McConaughey is well-versed in such things, but Mr. DiCaprio, good Christian and countryman, has now been ruined. Ruined! [Page Six]
Aw. Comedian Rebel Wilson, she's the gal from Bridesmaids and What to Expect When You're Expecting and a million other things, has moved in with her Bridesmaids brother Matt Lucas in real life. Yup, they played Kristen Wiig's roommates in that movie, but now they are real-life roommates in West Hollywood. He's a gay person so there's not going to be any romance happening here, but still. Isn't that nice? To think about people who are in movies having roommates? They probably don't need a roommate, financially speaking, but they just wanna have a pal in the house with them. That's just nice. A nice idea. Anyway. [Us Weekly]
Britain's most accomplished sexpert, Prince Harry, has been instructed to not publicly apologize for his recent naked antics in Las Vegas, the thinking being that an apology will just draw more attention to the matter and, of course, make it look like he has something to apologize for. (Which, of course, he doesn't.) Sure there was maybe a cocaine dealer in the suite with him at the time and, yeah, there was a hooker or two, but come on. If you were a handsome 27-year-old demigod, what would you be doing in your time off? Playing Wario World and yankin' your crank? No, you'd be in a Las Vegas hotel room with hookers and coke dealers. That's right where we'd all be, for heaven's sake. Leave Harry alone! He's a beautiful spirit. A sensitive soul. A statesman and a swordsman. Speaking of, the royal family is reportedly supes excited for Harry to go back to Afghanistan so this will all blow over. Makes sense. Out of sight, out of mind. Either that or, oh god Harry, they're planning to kill you. [Radar]
Hahahah. Sham pop singer Katy Perry was apparently at the Soho House in Los Angeles recently and there was a table of a bunch of business guys that she wanted to meet and so she walked up to them and awkwardly introduced herself and the dudes were all "Whaaa?" and they really didn't care at all even though she was "speaking in a character-like cutesy voice," which is horrifying. Look, I'm not saying that it's funny that a lonely woman was treated unkindly by a bunch of jerky businessmen. I'm saying that it's funny that Katy Perry was treated unkindly by a bunch of jerky businessmen, because Katy Perry is oftentimes the living worst. Don't believe me? Just consider her early oeuvre like "Ur So Gay" and "I Kissed a Girl," songs that reduce the queerness shared by a big portion of her fanbase to jokey insults and titillation for straight men. Katy Perry is awful! And Katy Perry, while talking in some weird voice, got shot the hell down by a bunch of non-celebrities. OK, they were eight men at Soho House together so they were probbbbs real gay, but still. Still. Still. [People]
Here are pictures of LaToya Jackson and her niece Paris Michael Jackson posing with a Michael Jackson impersonator at that dead man's birthday party that his family had for him. Yes, there's Michael's sister and daughter posing with some abject weirdo whose job it is to dress up like a dead man and play that dead man at parties for the dead man's family. And you're telling me you don't believe in the occult? Because that is some macabre, magical sh-t right there. Wow. Yikes. What a world. Look, they're free to do whatever they want on their loved one's birthday, but we're also free to see pictures of what they chose to do and say, "Huh." HUH. Huh. Dead man impersonator at a dead man's party. Only in weird, mystical America. What a fruity place this is. [TMZ]
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.
We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to email@example.com.