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There are rumors afloat that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, an attractive couple in unattractive times, were secretly married this weekend in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. That's all according to some gossip columnist who's heard whispers about the couple "pulling a fast one," so take that as you will. Oh, also someone described as a "celebrity wedding cake designer" tweeted yesterday that she was in Jackson Hole. So... Could be? If you trust a gossip columnist and the vague online musings of a person who makes famous wedding cakes. The Jackson Hole connection could be significant, as that's where JT proposed to JB about a year ago. If the couple did get married, we wish them all the best. If they did not get married, then of course this gossip columnist and this designer of popular cakes should be put in the stocks in the town square and have rotted vegetables thrown at them for their deceit and calumny. This is serious business and falsehoods and trickery will not be treated lightly. [Daily Mail]

Singer Rihanna was on Oprah's What Else Was I Gonna Do Interview Show on the OWN network last night, and during the Barbados-set chat, she told Opes that ex-boyfriend Chris Brown was the love of her life and her first love and that she will always love him. Oprah nodded in sympathy and then held up a picture of Gayle as if it were Simba the lion and the music swelled and then it went to commercial. No, no, the conversation continued on like normal, and you kinda were like "Oh, Rihanna's just a regular young person, dealing with breakups and bad relationships and all that stuff," but then Oprah says "You two saw each other in Saint Tropez, right?" and Rihanna says, "Yes, we went to a mutual friend's party, on a yacht" and you remember that Rihanna doesn't quite live the life a lot of young folks are livin' these days. Ah well, she's earned it. After the interview Rihanna went off somewhere for some other work thing, and Oprah sat for a while, staring at the sea, and her phone rang and it was Steadman and she looked at it for a bit before hitting the mute button and letting it go to voicemail. [Us Weekly]

Back to wedding news. Singer Rufus Wainwright will be marrying his longtime boyfriend Jorn Weisbrodt in Montauk this Thursday. Carrie Fisher will be taking part in the wedding somehow, one hopes officiating. After the ceremony, guests will go to a restaurant and eat lobster rolls and drink champagne, and then after that they'll to to the Shagwong restaurant in Montauk and partayyyy until the funky break of dawn. Sounds like fun! And what a guest list. Yoko Ono is rumored to be one of the planned attendees, as well as, this being Rufus Wainwright's wedding after all, some old fops who live in a fop house somewhere in Bridgehampton and of course the vengeful, soggy ghost of Judy Garland. "Look at all these fancy men," the ghost will warble, floating sadly in a corner, looking at Carrie Fisher and wondering what Liza's up to. [Page Six]

Oh, god. English sex magnate Prince Harry is back in the United States. Or at least he was, this weekend. The bonny Prince was spotted in Las Vegas at the MGM Grand, hanging out with friends at some sort of poolside club called... Wet Republic. Um. Gross. Why is that the name of a place? And why was Prince Harry, full of dignified holy blood as he is, hanging out at a place with that name? That's just unseemly. And he was drinking Grey Goose vodka??? Oh heavens. Henry, no. No, no, no. This won't do. Won't do at all. "Wet Republic." That's just terrible. What's next, a bar called "Moist Area"? "Damp Place"? It's no good! You are better than that, Harry. There are far better places in America for you to be. Like here. Just come here. Come here. I'm not kidding. [cocks gun] Come here. [People]

Speaking of people who hit it big in London now being near swimming pools, swim-scholar Ryan Lochte was at a pool party at another Las Vegas hotel over the weekend. And he was wearing a teeny tiny pink bathing suit! Most of the other dudes were in swim trunks, but not Lochte, no sir. He of course wanted to be flashy, an individual, so he chose the bikini briefs in bubblegum pink. Lots of women at the party lined up to be photographed with the Olympic medalist, which Lochte said was fun but maybe a little troubling as "cameras steal your soul, some Indian guy told me that once." Earlier this weekend Lochte was in Los Angeles for another party, at which he had a good time, but unfortunately he didn't get to meet his celebrity crush, Carmen Electra. Which, wait, what? You're Ryan Lochte, you could literally minnow your way into any lady's hot pants, and you go with Carmen Electra? Points for being still cheesy after all these years, but that is a little silly. Carmen Electra? What is this, 1997? Ridiculous. But really, none of this matters anyway, as everything changed when Lochte looked across the pool, locked eyes with vodka-swilling Prince Harry, and both suddenly knew that nothing would ever be the same. [Daily Mail; People]

Angelina Jolie told some Greek guy who owns a restaurant that she and Brad Pitt are probably not getting married any time soon. So you heard it there first. From the mouth of an old man who runs a restaurant in northern Greece. This is how we should get all of our news. Really, it is the best way. [Page Six]

It was Bill Clinton's 66th birthday yesterday and he celebrated partially by taking a walk on the beach in East Hampton with his dog. Asked where Hillary was, Clinton laughed and said, "I don't know. It's my birthday, remember?" Which, ha ha ha, Bill and Hillary jokes. We're allowed to make those, right? Seeing as it's 1997 again and Carmen Electra is the country's biggest sex symbol and whatnot? OK, just checking. Just making sure. [TMZ]

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