Last night two pictures surfaced on TMZ that seemed to show Prince Harry of Wales, Captain in the Blues and Royals of the British Army and chief sex delegate of the United Kingdom, without a stitch of clothes on in a Las Vegas hotel room. Mmhm. The lad has been on holiday in the city of sin and apparently things got a little rowdy during a game of strip billiards. I guess Harry isn't terribly good at billiards, because in the photos he is completely nude, cupping his, uh, jewels and scepter in one photo, and in the other, more scandalous image, hugging a similarly naked young lady from behind, his royal bum exposed for all to see. (Though, TMZ put a star over the most sensitive area.) The photos are blurry and it's not entirely clear it's him, though if a report this morning that Harry is "in trouble" (along with his handlers/bodyguards) with Buckingham Palace is to be believed, it really is him in the pictures and he's maybe gone and made an embarrassing public oopsy for the entire monarchy. And they'd just had such a lovely Olympics! Britain was back in the world's good graces, but now, now that the world has seen the young dark prince, the third-in-line, the party playboy with a steely military core, naked and fancy free? Well, heck, I think now the world loves Britain even more! Right? Good grief, Buckingham Palace. Settle down. This is a good thing. This is a great thing! Apparently even Harry's brother William is upset with him, which is just nonsense. William, you can get credit for being the boring, balding one with your pretty, sad-eyed wife there, and Harry can liven up the scene with his handsome antics. Someday he'll get married and sorta settle-down with some wild woman, and there will probably be some juicy divorce story in the future, but let him have his fun for now. And we'll all have fun alongside him. Or, in that one young woman's case at least, in front of him. [Us Weekly]
Whoa. LL Cool J, star of stage and screen (musical stage, at least), recently had a guy break into his house. But LL didn't panic, no sir. He calmly smacked the guy down and kept him secure until the police could arrive. Yeah, LL Cool J forcibly detained a burglar all by himself. That guy is not playing around. That is why he's on that documentary series about him and Chris O'Donnell solving crimes (and about LL slowly seducing Linda Hunt). He's just that tough. When an attractive policewoman on the scene asked where he got such bravery and confidence, LL shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well, I represent Queens." And the policewoman smiled and said, "Oh, I was raised out in Brooklyn." [TMZ]
After some grueling weeks, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are finally officially divorced. It's all done. It's been approved by a judge and ordered sealed and impounded, meaning the file on the particulars of the settlement will be locked away forever and no one can ever look at it, so we will never know. Never know about Tom retaining ownership of "a round, metal vehicle of unknown origin buried under a mountain in New Mexico," will never know how far from her ex-husband Katie will be able to live with their daughter, whether in miles or lightyears, and of course we'll never know if there was the dissolution of any earlier contract or "beard agreement." We'll never know any of those things! Which, really, is OK. At least we do know that the minute the divorce was finalized, the strange, tight ring that had appeared on Katie's finger the day she agreed to marry Cruise suddenly glowed a bright and fiery yellow and then disappeared in a flash of light that streaked up into the sky and out of sight. All that was left was a circle of redness on her finger, which Katie is sure will go away soon. Be free, Katie! Go and be free. [Page Six]
Ugh. Taylor Swift continues to make a public spectacle of poor unsuspecting Connor Kennedy. They have been seen doing more kissing and carrying on while on vacation on Cape Cod together, and it is simply disgraceful. To bewitch a young nobleman like that, with her country hexes, her Appalachian voodoos, her folkloric love spells. Could this be the latest Kennedy tragedy? We'll have to watch and see. Luckily young Connor is only 18, so he probably won't be wanting to get married any time soon, though who knows how strong Swift's backwoods magicks may be. Really, someone should be on this. Caroline? Come on, Caroline. You seem like a sharp apple, go do something about this. This outrage. This unseemly business. Do you really want your first cousin once removed to be in the siren slave thrall of a popular-country music singer? It sullies the family's honor. So we beseech you, Caroline. Do something. Put an end to this. May there be a decisive final battle between Caroline and Taylor on a windswept seaside cliff, Caroline yelling "This. Ends. HERE!!!" as she delivers one last decisive blow and Swift goes sailing down into the gray, roiling ocean and disappears under the waves. Some will say she is gone forever, others will swear they can still her phantom song on cool summer nights, lilting in on the wind, like a mystery we never quite forgot. [Us Weekly]
Oh, another divorce was settled. Michaele Salahi and her husband Tareq, you know them as the White House Party Crashers, have officially ended their marriage. Yeah, those two crazies. They're finished. Remember Michaele ran off with one of the guys from Journey, while Tareq, well, Tareq ran off with nobody. Tareq doesn't run off with anybody. Tareq just goes home and eats a frozen dinner and stares at the wall for a while and sometimes says "Oh fiddlesticks" in a blue, childish way, to no one, but that's it. He tries to call his estranged mother-dear (she's the one that owns that vineyard and kept having the police kick him off of it during Real Housewives of D.C.) but he'll only get a froggy, rasping "Hello???" from her before she hangs up when she realizes it's him. And that's all that's happening with that. [Page Six]
Alanis Morissette, who is releasing a new album soon, says she "actually like[s] the paparazzi" because "[t]hey're forcing transparency." Which is kinda nonsense. Maybe when she gets occasionally snapped walking around Toronto looking for kale and fibers or whatever she goes shopping for she doesn't mind it, but she's not exactly Jennifer Aniston. She's not exactly Princess Di, either. So maybe you can "like" the paparazzi if you only see them a couple times a year. Though, Alanis, if you do like the paparazzi and are looking for a mate who loves same, we know someone else who adores attention and is recently single. His name is Tareq and he hasn't lived with his mother for years and years... [Page Six]
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