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Rielle Hunter has a truncated little book tour, Tom Cruise is hitting it off with a new lady, and, more believably, he's maybe a magical being who can do telekinesis.

Rielle Hunter, the lady who John Edwards destroyed his political career for, wrote a book about her affair with the former North Carolina senator and, sadly, really sadly, the sales have not quite been what were hoped for. Sure she's sold 6,000 copies of What Really Happened (John Edwards got you pregnant while he was still married? Isn't that what happened?) and that put her book on the New York Times bestseller list for a bit, but she's cut her publicity tour short after a few TV appearances. One of her people says that nothing was cut short, this was just all that was planned, but normally an author would do a bigger tour than she's done. Basically not that many people really care about What Really Happened, because why would we? Who cares? People might want to read a book by John Edwards called What the Hell I Was Thinking, but that's about it. Otherwise this story is just a sad old dump. [Page Six]

Tom Cruise, newly free of the ol' ball-and-chain Katie Holmes, is currently filming his movie Oblivion and apparently has "great chemistry" with his sexpot costar Olga Kurylenko. Oh, I'll bet they have great chemistry, quite literally! "I like your amino acids, Earth woman," he says to Kurylenko sexily. "Let me see your peptides, female." Just real flirty talk like that. I'll bet it works. That's exactly what you humanesses like hearing, isn't it. [Page Six]

Speaking of Cruise, a new article on the dude and his Scientology religion suggests that devout members of the Church believe that the actor, who is a stage VII Operative Thetan, can move objects with his mind and telepathically communicate with people and animals. Which, hahaha, what a crazy thing! What a crazy religion. How stupid. What weird dopes these people are. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go to a stone temple to eat the body of a guy who died thousands of years ago and then drink his blood. [Us Weekly]

The man lying next to Scarlett Johansson on a yacht in Italy is just her bodyguard, not her boyfriend. Repeat: The man lying next to Scarlett Johansson on a big boat in the European ocean is not someone she's dating, he is a person hired to protect her. Which, phew, what a relief. If she was dating that guy, it would mean regular guy wouldn't have a chance. But now that we know it's not a boyfriend, then she's available again. You could just walk right up to her and introduce yourselves, fellas. Just walk right up to her yacht in Italy and get past her bodyguard and talk to her like a regular girl. [People]

Current Bachelorette star Emily Maynard apparently does not get along with host Chris Harrison because she's a major d-word on set. No, no, not Democrat. A diva. She's a real diva and so Harrison doesn't have the strong relationship with her that he has with a lot of other past contestants. Wait, ha, he does? That's a little creepy. "Look at all my pretties," Chris Harrison says in an eerie singsong voice, running a hand over a photo in a big frilly photo album. "All my little lovelies in lovely love..." he murmurs, the date he brought home moving further away from him on the couch, trying to plan her escape. "I love all my lovely lovers!" he declares and takes another sip of nectar wine. "I think I'll go see them now." Then the date watches in horror as he walks to the basement door, opens it, and yells down into the darkness "My darling pets, I'm coming!" And in response there's a clatter of chains and a few pained moans. The point is, Chris Harrison has a totally normal job and is probably a totally normal man. [Us Weekly]

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are going strong, so strong that Gomez tweeted a picture of the pair in Tokyo together. You know how that is, young love. That old story. You're dating and it's cute and fun and there's lots of giggling and heavy petting and then you go to Japan together and then he performs a concert in front of many screaming Japanese girls and then you go home. A typical apple pie American teenage dream story, that one. [Us Weekly]

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