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People are saying that Kristen Stewart wants to have a baby with her longtime boyfriend Edward Cullen. Is it true? Probably! Elsewhere, Katie Holmes didn't get that much money and David Geffen has a fancy new house.

Hey, hey, a "source" of some kind has told a magazine that when they were on set together, immortal beloveds Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson "would talk about how they would raise their own children." Mmhm. "Sometimes it would start off as a joke, but you knew they were really thinking about it." Yup. And then they were at a wedding together and there was a pregnant lady there and Kristen touched the lady's stomach and seemed fascinated by it and so that means that Kiki Stewart and Bobby Patentleather are going to smoosh without a raincoat and will soon have the vampire baby of their dreams. Can you imagine?? What would the Twi-tweakers think of that? They'd have to name the baby Renesmee or probably the fans would reject the child and take it and leave it exposed in the forest or something. What do you think? Should Kristen Stewart, 22, get pregnant with her dead boyfriend's baby? Yes? Or absolutely Yes? [Us Weekly]

While on the topic of children, "sources," these ones "well-connected," say that Katie Holmes did not get a big lump payout in her divorce from Xenu McNotherapy Tom Cruise. People had been whispering that she got like 50 million space bucks but that is ridiculous, according to these sources. No, Katie didn't get a big payout, except for child support, which Tom will be paying for the next twelve years, adding up to around $10 million. As for Katie, everyone's all "she has her own money," which is probably sort of true, but she lives in a $12,500/month apartment. How long can Pieces of April money really carry her? I mean she's got money, but does she have mad money? I somehow doubt it. She's gotta learn to live within her means a little better. Like, maybe move to South Slope and get a roommate. Some Hamilton grad who freelances for Thought Catalog. "Hey, guys, have you met my roommates, Katie Holmes and Suri? Well, these are them." Think about it, Katie. Or, y'know, have meetings with your agent to figure out your career, which Page Six says she did on Wednesday night. She apparently looked thrilled to be having her first night out without the kid since the dibborce. Girl get yourself in a big movie fast. Or move in with Megan from Wesleyan in Crown Heights. Either way. [TMZ; Page Six]

Or maybe Katie could move in with David Geffen. He's got room, after all. He just bought a 12,000 square foot, $54 million home on the Upper East Side that he'll spend two years renovating. Yup, that's a lot of space. Seven bedrooms! So Katie could have one and Suri could have one and the rest could be filled by David and his, uh, roommates. You know, all those handsome young proteges he's always got around. He's like Barry Diller in that way, really. Always instructing the younger generation in the business. Alllll the business. [Page Six]

D.C. real estate mogul Michael Darby has decided to marry his young protege. Yes, the 52-year-old proposed to 24-year-old former Miss D.C. Ashley Boalch and she said yes. They were in a helicopter over the Hudson River at the time. So that's awfully nice! I guess he felt that he could teach her more if they were legally joined or something. Good luck, Ashley! [Reliable Source]

Back to babies. Here is a picture of enormous Chris Hemsworth holding his tiny baby and it is enough to make you squeal and die. Oh, to be that tiny baby! (Ew? Ew.) [People]

Disgraced lobbyist crook Jack Abramoff has a new show on satellite radio, but it's just a parttime job. Nothing you'd call a career. Not yet, anyway. He won't be getting rich off of it, mostly because it doesn't pay much, but also because the government takes most of the money he earns and gives it to the people he ripped off. Them's the breaks when you're a convicted crook, I guess. Who will listen to the Jack Abramoff Show? Most likely a bunch of unmanned satellite radios that Jack has rigged to tune into his show to make it seem like there are ratings. That sounds like him. [Reliable Source]

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