America's most important couple, Beyoncé and Jay-Z, are taking a very French-style August break this year, and have decided to take their little family — baby Blue is six months old — to the Hamptons for the rest of the summer. Oh but don't worry. While it is awfully late in the season to be finding a Hamptons place, they won't be stuck in some leaky motel called the Sand Dollar or anything. No, no. They are renting a home in Bridgehampton for a whopping $400,000. Yes! $400,000 to rent this house, a 31,000 square foot monstrosity nicknamed the Sandcastle, for just one month. Why, $400,000 is more than the president makes in a year! (Technically.) But, oh well, they can afford it, and they just want a quiet month away from it all, so who can blame them. Enjoy it, you two. You three! Excuse me. You three. Aw. Baby's first summer rental that costs more than most houses that many Americans can't even afford to buy for forever let alone one month. They grow up so fast. [Page Six]
Gasp. Gassssp. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Adrienne Maloof — she's the Maloof that owns the Sacramento Kings and the Palms in Las Vegas and probably several people in secret — is separating from her husband, plastic surgeon Paul Nassif. Yup. They've been together for nine years and have three sons together, but they've decided to call it quits. Maybe Adrienne has found a new person to stick needles into her face to make her look like her alter ego, Supercat. Or maybe she just wants to be by herself for a while. She's seen Paul do it for nine years now! She can probably do it herself. "Supercat goooo!" she'll yell, as she drives a needle mistakenly into her eyeball, accidentally turning herself into Supercat's arch-nemesis, Eyeblor. Good luck everyone. [TMZ]
Oh for heaven's sake. For a second you're reading this article about Kris Jenner — that's the thing that laid the eggs that the Kardashian sisters came out of — going to meet an old boyfriend and making her husband Bruce Jenner angry and the girls making her take a lie detector test and you think it's kind of juicy news until you realize it's just a recap of last night's Keeping Up with the Kardashians. It's just a goddamn recap, Us Weekly! Call a recap a damn recap, guys. This isn't news. We all seen it last night! Or not all of us, hopefully not most of us even, but yeah, at least some of us already watched that damn thing. So why are you recapping as if it's some breathless news story, Us Weekly? That's bad business, man. That's bad everything. Oh well. The point is that Kris Jenner passed the lie detector test, sort of, meaning she can stay married to Bruce and his feathery hair and she's still undercover as a lizard person and can still do her crucial task when the lizard people take over the world. Or take over the world they're not already in control of. Help us, Supercat! You're our only hope! [Us Weekly]
Ali Lohan, sister of Lindsay, has been shipped off to Korea. She's over there now, doing their customs, and that's that. Well, that's that for a month anyway. The aspiring model has been sent to Korea by her agency to try and book work in the Asian market. Right. "Book work." Um, you guys? You do know that Kim Jong-un is already married, right? Like, dude just got married. You're like mere days late. It was a fun, festive idea — marry Ali Lohan off to the goofus son of an insane dictator/spirit god and have her reign over his misery kingdom for the rest of her life — but it was executed just a little too late. He's married now, so. Send her home. Send her back to Long Island. The dream is over. [TMZ]
Britney Spears is really in love. She was seen at a restaurant in Miami recently with her fiance Jason Trawick and the two were being very affectionate. Yeah, he put her bib on and cut up her hotdog for her and asked the waiter for extra crayons. And she of course paid for everything. Very romantic. Well, actually, in truth they were seen feeding "frozen fruit" to one another. Which... how romantic? Is that romantic? I mean, does that mean that if I lie on my couch eating those frozen raspberries out of the bag that I'm being romantic? Or do I have to be feeding them to someone else? As ever, Britney Spears provokes more questions than she answers. [Page Six]
Back in the 1990s, lovable rascal Trent Lott started a tradition called Seersucker Thursday, in which the Senate would wear seersucker to work on the third Thursday of June every year. How whimsical! Lott said of the tradition, "When you’re dealing with serious business, it doesn’t mean you have to have a scowl on your face and doesn’t mean you have to be hot." Hahaha. What is this, 1922? Is the best way to not be hot to wear seersucker? "Virginia, bring me a nice cold tea from the icebox and get me my seersucker. Today's gonna be a scorcher!" Hilarious. Trent Lott is a bizarre old weirdo. Anyway, the point is that the tradition stopped this year, and now Lott and some of his friends are trying to get it reinstated. Because it was an important show of bipartisanship, this wonderful tradition of wearing seersucker while the nation is torn to shreds over special interests and political ego. When will this important institution be restored? [Reliable Source]
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.
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