The people who made The Lorax are probably in need of a hug right now. The New York Times' A.O. Scott issued a wonderfully scathing diatribe against it on Thursday, with the New York Post's Kyle Smith following up today with a cringeworthy critique in rhyme that he subtitles "an explanation in verse for why it could hardly be worse!" Note to Smith: A movie review written in couplets that ends with a criticism of the U.S. president (with a dig at Bob Dylan on the way) has never in the history of time made anything better.
But if there's anything to be gained from a hate-filled review, it's the pleasure of reading it. Scott and Smith are not the only reviewers to have despised the film. Herewith, a collection of the best Lorax disses:
- "Its knickers are twisted so high and so tight / It could lead the day’s news on the Daily Kos site." —Smith
- It looks like something you’ve seen before. In fact, you have, if you saw “Despicable Me” — “The Lorax” is from the same team and it has the same rubbery, pre-made look and hungry-for-merchandising feel. —Stephen Whitty, The Star-Ledger
- "Its relationship to Dr. Seuss’s book is precisely that of the synthetic trees that line the streets of Thneedville to the organic Truffulas they have displaced. The movie is a noisy, useless piece of junk, reverse-engineered into something resembling popular art in accordance with the reigning imperatives of marketing and brand extension." —Scott
- "More a civics lesson than a story, The Lorax is the tale of a cantankerous woodland sprite who comes across as a shrill nag." —Christopher Lloyd, the Herald-Tribune
- "Insidious nonsense from Hollywood...Hollywood is once again trying to indoctrinate our children." —Lou Dobbs
- "It’s all preaching and perching on messages dry. Bob Dylan’s poor knees are six times as spry." —Smith
- Did you ever get a package where the bubble wrap was 10 times the volume of the item inside? That's what "Dr. Seuss' The Lorax" is like." —Colin Covert, Star Tribune
- "The movie’s silliness, like its preachiness, is loud and slightly hysterical, as if young viewers could be entertained only by a ceaseless barrage of sensory stimulus and pop-culture attitude, or instructed by songs that make the collected works of Up With People sound like Metallica." —Scott
- "I've come to fear these movies." —Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune
- "When this story’s harrumphing and pleading its plea. I’d prefer to get lectured by Barack O-B." —Smith
- With its cotton-candy-colored palette of orange, pink and purple truffula trees, it looks like a bowl of fuzzy Froot Loops. But it goes down like an order of oatmeal.” — Michael O’Sullivan, The Washington Post
- "There is an obvious metaphor here, but the movie is blind to it, and to everything else that is interesting or true in the story it tries to tell." —Scott
- "There are songs here, it’s true, but they’re musical rants / As stale as the crust on your dad’s underpants. You’ll forget them before this young March hits the ides; I have heard better tunes on Clay Aiken’s B-sides." —Smith
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.