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Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch doesn't look like the kind of movie critics usually like, what with all the chasing and karate-chopping and things blowing up in space. The reviews have been predictably terrible, prompting Movieline to rank the most memorable eviscerations of the picture. Here are some of our favorites, none of which are likely to be used as blurbs on the DVD jacket.

  • “You could go to see Sucker Punch this weekend — a lot of people probably will, and a few may even admit as much back at the office on Monday — or you could try to make it yourself, which might be more fun, though not necessarily cheaper. Here’s what you will need: a bunch of video-game platforms; DVDs of Shutter Island, Kill Bill, Burlesque and Shrek; some back issues of Maxim; a large bag of crystal meth; and around $100 million.” — A.O. Scott, The New York Times
  • "Were one asked to come up with a concise précis of the movie -- not an easy task, given its convolution -- one could conceivably get away with "'Sin City' meets 'Brazil,' only really, really bad."-- Glenn Kenny, MSN Movies
  • “… A barrage of green-screen effects and comic-book portentousness from 300 and Watchmen director Zack Snyder, is hands-down the most nightmarishly awful film of the year.” — Steven Rea, The Philadelphia Inquirer
  • "Sucker Punch is Last Airbender with bustiers.” — Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel
  • “The film abdicates so many basic responsibilities of coherent storytelling, even coherent stupid-action-movie storytelling, director/co-writer/co-producer Zack Snyder must have known in pre-production that his greasy collection of near-rape fantasies and violent revenge scenarios disguised as a female-empowerment fairy tale wasn’t going to satisfy anyone but himself.” — Michael Phillips, The Chicago Tribune
  • "Zack Snyder's "Sucker Punch" is what happens when a studio gives carte blanche to a filmmaker who has absolutely nothing original or even coherent to say." -- Lou Lumenick, New York Post

 

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