Michael Scott has herpes (in the form of a cold sore) so he goes on a quest to contact all of his past lovers to let them know they may have H-I-R-P-E-E-S. He also does some relationship post-mortems and we get a walk down memory lane with Holly, Jan, and the rest of his many women (and...man). The rest of the office gets an Andy Bernard-led sex ed session.
1. "The number one sexually transmitted disease is ignorance."
Or so says Andy, who tries to teach the staff about sex under the guise of promoting tolerance for the more promiscuous supplier relations representatives (err...Meredith), but really just wants to find out more about the sexual habits of Erin and Gabe.
2. If you have a baby via sperm-donor, life will be great.
Jan has a new high-powered job, an album of Doris Day covers on her own label, and a really cute kid who goes by the name "Assie." Men are irrelevant.
3. Sex feels unbelievable. And amazing.
And Kevin seems to have a lot of it.
4. Unplanned pregnancy is not actually a negative consequence of sex.
You might get a shotgun wedding at Niagara Falls!
5. The safest way to go skiing is not to ski.
And same with sex. Abstinence is best, although there doesn't seem to be a soul in Scranton who practices it.