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AUTHOR: Joshua Holland at AlterNet
PURPOSE: To deride George Will's opposition to medical marijuana laws
SIX-WORD SUMMARY: "OK, grandpa crazy-pants, whatever you say"
WHAT WILL IS: A "bow-tied moral scold"
WHAT WILL DOES: Complain
WHAT WILL COMPLAINS ABOUT: How "it's a terrible tragedy that majority rule determines how we use a goddamn plant"
ALSO: That college students are a suspiciously high proportion of new medical marijuana customers
HOLLAND'S TRANSLATION OF WILL'S PRIVATE THOUGHTS: College kids will smoke pot, one thing will lead to another, and people will start marrying trees
WHAT  HOLLAND THINKS IS REALLY EATING WILL: That, with new super-THC plants being cultivated, "people just don't smoke enough shit-weed anymore"

SECRET: "I'll confess I had a hard time making it through Will's column--and not just because I was totally high."


THE LAST WORD:

I'm not sure when George Will completed the transition from acerbic center-right pundit to crotchety old fart whinging about the kids these days, but there's actually something reassuring about the fact that even in a world as crazy as ours is today a bow-tied moral scold like George Will can still find the time to get worked up over states passing medical marijuana laws ... As I tried to feel Will's pain over the wanton ... lawfulness of it all, I just couldn't help thinking that people still aren't going home and beating the crap out of their spouses after smoking a couple of joints, as they do every Saturday night all across America after knocking back a few.

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