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The idea of recapping the past twenty years of sport in all its glory sounds clever in theory. Add a few knee slappers and it could be down right entertaining. But Mark Whicker, a sports columnist for The Orange County Register, actually tried to pull it off. And what would give him a reason to test out the theory? How about the recent emergence of Jaycee Dugard, the girl who was detained by kidnappers for 18 years? Mr. Whicker goes on to tell her exactly what went down in the world of California sports while she was, um, gone. You can read the whole thing here, or you can take our word for it: he saved the worst for last:

"And ballplayers, who always invent the slang no matter what ESPN would have you believe, came up with an expression for a home run that you might appreciate.

Congratulations, Jaycee. You left the yard."

The Awl calls it a "column like no other." Reactions from the twitterverse are, well, numerous. Here are some of the best. 

  • CRM_alumnigonzo: "Remember the time that Anne Frank missed the World Cup? Well I'm working on that post right now.
  • Thegnc: "Jay Mariotti just got the title stolen from him for worst sports column ever."
  • Forumbluegold: "Another nail in the general columnist coffin."
  • Josh_levin: "This could be one of the most amazing things I've ever seen."
  • Jordanbreen: "It behooves you to retweet the worst sports column in human history and let the world see it."
  • JBarro: "I guess the OC Register has cut costs by going w/o an editorial staff?"
  • M4ttb4rr: "This has got to be the Onion."

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.