This blog is very internal, and thus, necessarily, somewhat confused--and sometimes confusing. It's important to clarify the difference between being troubled in a bad way ("I can't pay my rent") and troubled in a good way ("Am I really pushing hard enough?"). Having experienced both, I'm clear on the difference.
But yesterday was a great day--that's why I started the post talking about religious experiences, and not about owing money on my taxes. I don't think of being "troubled" or feeling "challenged" as bad things. They're invigorating. I'm happy I've been up since "ever since"--it means the neurons are really firing.
There's nothing "down" about that. I feel really stupid for explaining this. I probably should have left it be. There's a difference between being happy and being comfortable. I greatly value the former, and hope to, by and by, devalue the latter.