The Missing, Ctd

A reader writes:

As my partner and I head into our second year waiting for what your reader calls the "right" kind of child, I feel the need to step forward and defend our decision to adopt a child of the same race as us (namely, Asian, Caucasian, or a mix thereof).

Our agency conducts and we have attended extensive training on trans-racial adoption, and the bottom line is really that, if you're going to need to make new friends merely to connect your child with their race's culture, you should not be adopting a child of that particular race. Your child needs to feel culturally connected to their race. If your Korean child grows up in an all-white world, heads off to college and suddenly is confronted by her Asian friends on her inability to use chopsticks or unfamiliarity with kimchee, you haven't done your due diligence as a parent to expose and help integrate your child with their cultural heritage.

We decided that since our child will already be faced with two major challenges in life - namely, having same-sex parents and being adopted - we would prefer that they not also have to surmount the trans-racial barrier. It may seem selfish or self-serving, but it is what we have discussed, considered, prayed about, and decided.

And so we wait.