Question Of The Week: "High Fidelity"

by Conor Friedersdorf

A reader writes:

I have read The Unbearable Lightness of Being and Love in the Time of Cholera but I have to say the film and book that has made the biggest perceptible impact on my life is High Fidelity by Nick Hornby. I know that might not sound weighty but bear with me.  I was 18 when I first saw the movie and a few months into my first serious relationship with girl who I dated for 6 years and have been married to for the past four.

To me the protagonist, Rob Gordon, served as the Ghost of Christmas Future.  I could see myself as afraid of commitment, always looking for the girl who didn't have boring underwear and so on.  I learned from the film that no relationship is perfect and they all take work.  There is no such thing as some magical connection because love is about two people making each other happy rather than some perfect woman to match all of my moods and meet every single expectation.

Our relationship hasn't always been perfect. We lived two and a half hours apart throughout college and her first year of grad school. We had moments when we were bored of each other or tired of working hard to communicate and connect.  That is the moral of the story though... no relationship is perfect: "Believe me, I mean, I could do a top five things about her that drive me crazy but it's just your garden variety women you know, schizo stuff and that's the kind of thing that got me here."
Our relationship has been wonderful and it has gotten better throughout the years.  The effort we put in to be together has paid off and my life has been enriched in so many ways because of my lovely wife and I honestly do not think we would have made it were it not for the lessons I learned from that story.